What's Up with all the Stores Open on Thanksgiving?

A few days ago, I was asked how I felt about the influx of stores opening on Thanksgiving for Christmas shoppers.  To be honest, I wasn't sure; I can come down on either side of this argument.

First of all, lets look at it from the business owners perspective.  This country was built on the concept of freedom, and that includes free enterprise.  If an owner to a business sees a way to gain a competitive edge (or not lose an edge), then most of us would say let them do it, with the caveat that it does not cause harm to anyone.  We would be right.  Customers benefit from business trying to gain this edge all the time-huge sales, coupons, lower prices, and all sorts of gimmicks draw us into business of different types all the time.

In that vain, if a business wants to be open on Thanksgiving because he or she feels that the business can benefit, then maybe it's fine and we all need to stop being so harsh.  When I was little, it was rare for businesses to be open on Sundays, nowadays, society gets all up in arms if they find a business closed on Sundays.  Somewhere along the way, some business owner thought to himself, "I bet I could get a few more people in here if I opened on Sundays"-it worked and others followed suit. Now a majority of businesses are open on Sundays, and I don't see any riots or Facebook polls about that.

I can hear someone out there yelling at the computer screen "But what about all the workers who are expected to work and miss time with family?!?!"  That is true, some employees will be asked to give up time with their families to work.  However, I think we forget that there are plenty of jobs/industries that remain open every holiday (hospitals, nursing homes, rehab facilities, police, fire, security guards, alarm companies, etc) all have staff that are expected to work on every holiday.

I have been in healthcare for many years, and while I was seldom expected to work on a holiday, I have had many co-workers who have.  To be honest, many of them volunteered to work for a variety of reasons.  Some celebrate the holiday on a different day (maybe over the weekend), some want and need the additional pay, some don't have plans and would prefer to work.  Whatever the reason, it is seldom hard to get the positions filled.  Given todays economy, it is more than possible that retail stores would find the exact same thing, many employees would offer to work for the higher pay grade, or the extra paycheck.

Does that mean that I naively think that every employee would be there willingly?  Of course not.  That does mean that I believe a large portion of workers would want to be there-also, I think that most employees are adults (not all, but most).  We need to realize, as adults, that there are times we are asked to work when we do not want to.  A few years ago, I was working at a nursing home when the State board came in.  I was scheduled to go on a family vacation that night, with my in laws and husband.  Typically, when the state comes into a nursing home to do annual reviews, management staff are expected to stay-know what happened? I missed the trip.

I was not happy about it, in fact, as I told my husband in my office that I would need to return to work the next day and he would have to go on the vacation without me, I was tearful and frustrated.  Still, I got up the next day, arrived at work, and put in a full day with a smile on.  Many of my friends and co-workers through the years have had to miss family events, or time with family to come to work.  If a single mom misses her daughters debut as the lead role in the school play, no one says anything, we expect her to come to work and work because that is what responsible adults do.

 I have never worked a job that expected me to work on Sundays, that was always my boundary.  Sundays were my time with my family.  The three of us would spend the entire day together.  When I applied for jobs, I was very clear that I am not available for work on Sundays; I'm sure I lost some jobs over this issue.  Employees can choose to not work for companies that are open on holidays.  This may all seem a bit idealistic, but if you think about it it's true.  We all have choices to make and we need to be responsible for the choices that we have made.

That is only one side of the coin-the other side of the coin is the value of setting aside special days for family and honoring those days.  As of today, we do not expect businesses to be open on Christmas, Easter Sunday, Fourth of July and a few other significant days a year.  There are few bosses who would expect an employee to work on his/her wedding day (although I have heard of a few), and even fewer who would expect an employee to come to work after the funeral of a loved one.  We tend to ask employees to work an average of 5 days a week, keeping two days a week for the individual and family.

Time with family and friends is important to me, as any reader of this blog knows.  I think there is great value in keeping traditions, and holidays like Thanksgiving are prime platforms for family traditions.  To be able to get together and celebrate all that we have and all that we are grateful for, is wonderful.

We teach our children the value of each generation when they see us excited to see grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  We learn to value the gift of family when we go through the hassle and fuss of doing a huge get together.  We create memories that last a lifetime and what a gift that is.  Our memories of good times together is what binds us as loved ones, gives us hope when times are tough and brings our hearts close together.

So, I guess my opinion on more retailers being open on Thanksgiving is two fold.  I would not personally work the holiday, as I love getting together with family, and we do schedule our meal on Thanksgiving.  I however would not begrudge another person who wants to work on Thanksgiving.  More important to me is how we treat those working on that day.  While you are out shopping, and saving a bundle, be kind to the employees you encounter.  Remember, if they did not show up to work, you would not be there buying your little treasures and saving a whole lot of money at the same time.  In the end, that's the bigger lesson isn't it?  That we need to love one another.

Thanksgiving is Near- Here is What I Want to Give Thanks For

With the holiday of Thanksgiving fast approaching, I find myself thinking more often about the gifts I have been blessed with and how grateful I am.  Don't get me wrong, I give a prayer of thanks nearly every day, but with this holiday approaching and Christmas not far behind, I find that I think about my blessings a little more than usual.

I'm not sure that this a good thing.  I mean, lets be real, a lot of us are annoyed by the influx of people stating how grateful they are as the secular holiday of thanks and feasting nears.  I know that I find myself thinking that perhaps if we were all this grateful year round, the world wouldn't be in such a state.  If we were as grateful in July for our families, friends, and jobs as we are in November and December, perhaps we wouldn't be so quick to take them for granted.

Think of the child who lies to serve his own purpose, the friends who talk behind others backs, the co-workers who steal credit for work they did not do.  Think of how quickly we forget what a blessing our families and friends are or how blessed we are to have a job in the economy.  We seem less likely to overlook minor inconveniences or slights than in years past.  Maybe it's the whole culture becoming more self centered and less socially focused, maybe it's the new ability to quickly go online and have our rants and raves justified and supported-right or wrong.

My Parents:
Still, I am grateful for many things.  I am always grateful for my family.  I believe that God chooses the people in our families for a reason.  We are all different, and we all bring something to our families-whether we realize it or not.  My parents were the ones who taught me to love with all my heart-they gave me a passion to be a wife and mother, that still rings true in my life.  My dreams are not huge, I want to be a good wife and mother.  This value was instilled in me by my mother, who took great pride in caring for others.

My uncle, who took care of my mother and myself my entire life, showed me the importance of hard work and dedication.  Not giving up when things are tough, is just one thing I learned from Fred.  Fred literally came into our lives when I less than 6months old, and he stayed to take care of us.  Things weren't always perfect; our family had some serious issues and problems when I was younger.  Still, no matter how bad things got, we worked through them all.  To me, that is still an essential part of family- you love, you fight, then you talk it over, hug and move on.  You don't give up and walk out just because you don't see eye to eye!

My Husband:
My husband is a gift to me.  We are both stubborn, passionate people.  This often means that our marriage is more like a roller coaster-there are many ups and downs.  That being said, I love him with all my heart, and I literally thank God every day for him (even when we are in our worst fights).  We have been together since we were teenagers, and we grew up together.  If I were to be completely truthful, I would have to say that he holds the power to make me happier than any other person in the world; of course, that means he can also hurt me more than anyone.  That's true of all the ones we love though isn't it?  They know our hearts and this gives them a lot of power over our hearts.

My husband is a great man who sometimes struggles to see what I need, but he never stops trying to make me happy.  He works hard, is highly respected and has so much integrity.  I remember when we were first dating, I was so awed by his level of integrity and how moved he was to do the right thing.  It inspired me to start pushing myself to be a better person.  I want to be a wife he is proud of because I am certainly proud of him.  He is intelligent and kind.  He has the ability to talk to anyone about anything, and I love that about him. He also keeps me focused on whats really important in life.

My Son:
My son has taught me to never stop reaching for my goals.  He is passionate and articulate; he is truly the best of me and my husband.  Our son is intelligent in ways I can't even imagine-he definitely has his  fathers mathematical sense!  He has always seen the world in his own way, and was never one to be swayed by peers.  Even when he was in high school, he stood on his own beliefs and never cared much what others thought.  Since I have always cared a great deal of what others thought, I always admired this about him.

He was always so on fire for Christ, that it made my heart burn with pride.  I loved watching him grow into a fine young man after Christs heart.  I knew from the time he was little that he would grow up to do great things- and he is!  He is the apple of my eye, and I am sure that I could not have asked for a better son if I tried!  I thank God for him daily and pray that he always knows the love his parents have for him.

My family:
My extended family helped me develop a love for family.  I loved growing up close to aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I always wanted a large family to replicate this experience that I had growing up.  I miss those days more than they can ever know ( we no longer speak due to a falling out in the family).

My in-laws are so dedicated to each other.  They love each other deeply and are genuinely happy for one another.  They all take great pride in the family history, and I have learned what a blessing it is to know your roots and where you came from.  Traditions are not a huge part of my in-laws holidays, but one thing that always happens is that family dinners are full of stories from the past.   I love that and am so grateful for the lesson!

My Friends:
Ok, so this one may seem like a generic one, but stay with me.  I have a few close friends who have shaped me into the woman I am today.  These friends are incredible people who have guided me, supported me and held me accountable; and they did it all from a place of love and kindness.

I think if anyone has even one friend they can call in the middle of the night, when their world is falling down around them, they are blessed.  I have several friends I could call, and I value each one of them.  It is through my friendships that I learned to finally ask for help, that I learned that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.  I consider myself gifted to have friends who I can laugh and cry with, and even one or two who are totally comfortable just sitting with me when words won't come.

My Health:
Anyone who knows me, may be surprised by this, as I have several health issues.  However, every ache and pain, reminds me that I have the ability to feel aches and pains.  When I move stiffly, I am grateful that I have the ability to get up and move.  I often suffer from headaches, but they remind me that I have the financial means to purchase pain relievers, take time off work and buy nutritious food to nourish the body.

I think our bodies are a gift, and even in our times of ill health, we can learn to be grateful and find the blessings!  We can all be thankful that we live in a country with wonderful health care, and doctors and nurses who not only care, but have the ability to heal our aches and pains.  Knowledge and medicine are not available in every country, but we are able to call a doctor or go to a hospital, be given some tests, medications and often sent home in a brief time.  We don't have to fight basic infections, or go without medications simply because they can't be delivered to the hospital.  Many countries fight harsh conditions just to get basic medical care!

Other items:

My puppies, Jesse and Murphy

My goodness, where do I begin?  I am thankful for the music that touches my soul daily, for my dogs that are able to make me laugh on my saddest days, for my home (which I love), for the change of seasons to remind us of Gods hand.  I am thankful for the ability to see Gods hand in my life daily, for His forgiveness and mercy, which I need daily.  I am grateful for my passion of writing, and my ability to love those in my life.

Everywhere I look, I see the beauty and creativity of God.  From the Great lakes to a high mountaintop, his glory is evident in every place!  Don't believe me?  Take a moment to think about the vast diversity on earth- plant, human and animal life and everything in between!  There is absolutely no way there can be so much diversity by accident!  Nature is powerful, but only because it is controlled by God.

I give thanks regularly that I live in a country where I can worship openly and publicly.  I have freedoms that many others in this world do not have, and I don't ever want to take them for granted.  even writing this blog is a freedom that many do not have!

Everyday that I get up, I realize that I am wonderfully and fearfully made in Gods image, and that all i need to do is call on him, and all my prayers will be answered!

I'm especially thankful for challenges which push me to be better, to rely on God more and on myself less, and to see just what I can overcome.  I am grateful that I am blessed in more ways than I can count-there is just so much to be thankful for.  I am astounded when I hear people who say that they need to be reminded of their blessings by a holiday!  If we all focused more on our blessings in our daily lives, maybe we would all be a little happier.  After all, it's really hard to be negative when your focused on the positive items in life.

Forgiveness- A Gift to Ourselves

Forgiveness-it's a big word, isn't it?  When we have been hurt by another person, the Bible tells us to forgive them.  The word is very clear-we are to offer forgiveness to anyone who offends us, but that can be hard for us.

When someone has offended our sensibilities, hurt us more than we thought possible or betrayed us, forgiveness does not always come so easily.  We think if God understood how badly we have been hurt, he would not want us to forgive; plus we have the right to experience righteous anger right?

Of course there is righteous anger.  Let's be clear on this point though, righteous anger is being angry over sin that offends God.  We are permitted to be angry over things like murder, pornography, abuse of any kind, and human trafficking.  However, in our anger, we are not to sin against another.  It is not ok to use Gods name in vain, be abusive or hurtful to another person or do anything that would offend God using our "righteous anger" as justification.

That being said, most of us hold grudges or refuse to forgive those who are closest to us for violations that would seem minor to others.  We get upset with a friend for a misspoken word or a deed left undone.  We get upset with our spouse for not knowing how to comfort us and meet us where we are at or for not helping with chores.  We refuse to forgive a co-worker who took credit for our work or gossiped about us behind our backs.  Sometimes, the hurts are bigger; an unfaithful spouse, a friend who has turned their backs on us in our time of need, or loved ones who steal from us.

We are still called to forgive.  Imagine how Jesus felt.  He lived the perfect life that we never could- he never sinned against man or God.  In the end, he was betrayed by one of his own.  When he was in the garden of Gethsamane, Matthew tells us that Jesus' soul was heavy with trouble and sadness, he asked his closest friends to pray with him.  Know what they did?  They fell asleep! (Matt 26:36-46) and not once, but twice!  Think about this, Jesus, the Messiah, asks you to sit with him and pray because he was so overwhelmed with emotion, would you fall asleep?  I don't think I would, but his friends did.

Then he was turned over to the soldiers by Judas, one of his inner circle.  Jesus did not get angry, he did not sin in his response, in fact he corrected one of his followers when they drew a sword to protect him!  When he was beaten, tortured and nailed to a cross for our sin, he still acted in love.  He offered forgiveness on the cross to the sinner next to him who asked for it. Did you catch that?

Here's Jesus, mistreated, abused, about to be put to death by the people he came to save, and yet, in his misery, he is able to offer forgiveness to another.  He even prayed for those who hurt him!  As he is nearing his death, he calls out to his father "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).  I don't know about you, but when I am hurt by someone, I am not that quick to pray for their forgiveness.

We are called to forgive others though.  We are sinful creatures, that means that we sin regularly, and unfortunately we will be sinned against.  When we are sinned against, it is important to turn the other cheek (Luke 6:29), and to forgive one another (Eph 4:32, Col 3:13).  Jesus tells us to look inward before we judge to harshly the motives of others (Matt 7:5), this can be hard, but is essential to forgiveness.

We must remember that we do not know another persons heart-only God knows what is in our hearts, our truest intentions, our motives.  We can lie to one another, even to ourselves, but we cannot lie to God-he knows that truth about us.  Our experiences, our history, our perceptions often lead to us reacting in a certain way, or treating others in a hurtful manner-though it's not our intention to hurt one another.

How many times have you offered what you believed was a kind and supportive word, only to find out later that your words caused hurt and pain, or frustration?  I know I do that more often that I care to admit.  A prime example of this is a conversation I recently had with my son.  He lives across the country as a graduate student, and it has been almost a year since we have seen him.  He and I were talking about Christmas and whether he could come home or not.  He offered a few reasons why he may need to stay in Seattle (needing to work on thesis, money, time, etc).  Being a mom who missed her son, and felt that he would benefit from the connection of family, I offered solutions to each reason- he could work on his paper here, his dad and I would help with the cost of a ticket, and he needed some rest.  Long story short, he is coming home (and I could not be more excited), but he felt frustrated by my responses.   We talked and have moved on, but I never intended to frustrate him or make him feel like he was not being heard-sometimes our intentions and outcomes do not align.

Forgiveness is essential to finding peace and
learning to love one another

Forgiveness is important.  It not only overlooks little offenses, but it offers us peace and contentment.  To hold onto anger, frustration, grief-it eats us up from the inside.  Holding negative feelings in, creates physical problems such as cardiac disease, ulcers, strokes, and so on.  No health issue comes from having a sense of peace and contentment!

When we let go of the anger, we are free to deal with others in love, as Jesus calls us to.  We are free to be happy and to grow.  We are able to find joy in our lives and see the best in others-how can that be a bad thing?

Forgiveness is a choice-it is not a feeling.  We can't wait until we feel like forgiving, for the just to heal itself-we have to make a conscious choice to forgive, to let it go and let God deal with the other persons offenses.  We need to know that God is just and perfect in his judgement.  We have to make a conscious decision to move on and to mend our hearts.  This can be extremely difficult, but the reward is so worth it!

"yes, that's all great" you are saying, "but how do I choose to let it go and move on?".  Good question! To begin with, you need to remember that you have sinned and have hurt others too, sometimes deliberately, sometimes inadvertently.  You have been the beneficiary of forgiveness in the past, remember those times, how relieved and grateful you felt when you were forgiven.  We have to pray to God to show us how to let go of the anger and forgive.

Forgiveness is a matter of what in our hearts, it's an attitude.  We cannot be a forgiving person if we are in Gods word daily, or if we do not have a growing relationship with Christ.  We need to stop listening to the secular world which tells us that we are right to be angry over every offense and that we are expected to be assertive enough to not let others take advantage of us.  We have to return to our call to be servants of one another, to forgive and to love one another.

The peace that comes from forgiving others is all consuming.  Other people can see the inner peace in us when we have a forgiving heart.  I have a few friends who embrace forgiveness-one, in particular, is great at holding others accountable but doing so in love.  I have never heard him raise his voice, in almost 15 years of friendship-his family says he never does.  He is quick to forgive, and is very much at peace with whatever is happening in the moment.

 When I was younger, I held on to every offense, thinking that it was a sign of weakness to "let them get away with that".  I have since learned that once I was able to forgive others, for big and small offenses, I had the joy of living life to the fullest.  I was free to move on and focus on what was truly important.   I now focus on moving past, letting go and keeping my eyes on the end results.  I try to remember that I need forgiveness from others more often than I care to, and that daily, I need forgiveness from God.

One final thought, remember that the Bible tells us to offer forgiveness, but a Biblical model of forgiveness requires that there be repentance.  The Bible is full of stories of God not offering forgiveness to stiff necked or hard hearted people.  Mark 1:15, Luke 13:3,5 and Acts 3:19 all point to the importance of repentance.  The offender needs to recognize that they have done something hurtful or wrong, and they need to be sorry, and repent.  This can take on many different views or appearances, but it essential that it happens.

Entire books have been written on the subject of forgiveness.  I understand that this is not an exhaustive study by any means, but it's a beginning.

Praying for Loved Ones

One of the best things we can do for those we love is pray for them-not a casual, fleeting thought of them during our prayers, but fervent, diligently pray for them.  Over the years, I have come to learn and believe in the power of prayer, although, I have not always been willing to share my experiences for fear of what my "friends" or family would think of me.

However, as I have grown closer to Christ, one of the things I have come to see is the power of personal testimony.  I pray for my friends and family daily- I even keep a prayer journal to help me remember specific requests that have been made to me.  I try to follow up on a regular basis as often as possible, and when I can I tack the results of the prayers.  This follow up is more for me-when I struggle, it is comforting to me to go back and see the numerous answers to prayers that I have forgotten I ever prayed.

To pray for our loved ones is to really love them.  It is seeking out the best for them, with or without their knowledge.  I have had people pray for me in times of need, and I can tell you from experience, that I was comforted by the knowledge that others were calling out to God for me.  It's like having a friend call in the calvary when someone is picking on you.

That being said, I have had a several people ask me how to pray for others.  There is, of course, the traditional, fleeting prayer that we often hear children utter; the classic"God bless so and so".  This is fine, God knows what blessings we all need and is quick to respond and provide for us, but there are other ways to pray for our loved ones.

Specific Requests:
I have often prayed for specific requests, when friends or family have asked me to.  For someone to ask another person to pray for them, is a call for help.  It is an extremely vulnerable position to tell others that we need help, even more so to be clear and specific in what we are struggling with.  To tell someone we love and respect that we need help with our health, our mental struggles, our physical or spiritual struggles creates in us an openness to be hurt, ridiculed or rejected.  When we are asked to offer prayer, we need to remember that the other person is open to us and our reactions can reverberate more than we realize.

When praying for specific requests, it is important to be clear, concise and gentle.  Remembering that it is an honor when our loved ones ask us to pray for them.  Also, when possible, pray in the moment with the person.  People ask for prayer when they are most in need.  When we take a moment, and offer a prayer in the moment, we model our faith, we show the other person that their heart is important to us, and we prove to them that we take the request seriously.

Unrequested Prayers:
Sometimes, we see a need that others may not be ready to see.  Perhaps a loved one has walked away from the faith, they are living a secular life, but they cannot see how far they have walked from Christ, or someone is dealing with an addiction that they don't recognize, or maybe they have trouble coping with emotions (depression, anxiety, anger, etc).  It is when we offer prayers for loved ones, that we perhaps offer the greatest gift.

To pray for someones heart, soul and life- and to do so quietly- is such a gift.  It means that we are not using God or prayer as a way to manipulate or guilt others into doing what we want, but that we genuinely are concerned for them.  I personally have prayed several times for family who have walked away from the faith.  When my son was a teenager, I prayed often that if he was doing something that was ungodly and potentially harmful, that he would be discovered and have to deal with the consequences.  The purpose was not to have my son live as I wanted him to, but rather to have him be guided towards a safe and godly life.

Don't misunderstand this point- if you pray for someones unrequested needs, and you tell them that you are doing this, you risk doing great harm to that persons faith and personal journey with Christ.

Tips for Praying for others:

1. When praying for others, remember the vulnerability of the person, and treat requests with respect and honor.  
2. If someone asks you to pray for them, offer to pray in the moment-not just "I'll keep you in my prayers".
3. Praying for others is a gift, we can request what we want, but in the end, we must remember that God does for us what is best.  We need to seek His will and be honoring of his answers.
4. Keeping a prayer journal can be a powerful reminder of Gods grace and creativity in His answers.

We should all pray for each other how can I pray for each of you today?

Disposable People?

In todays society with over 50% divorce rate, and the apparent increase in violent crime- it seems as though we have forgotten what a gift life is.  We have made each other disposable- when things get tough or go awry, our first choice is all to often to walk away from each other.  Where does this come from?

I believe we have always done this- to a point- but in todays age it takes on a whole new level.  With technology changing so quickly, we are programmed to upgrade, and replace pieces of equipment when they fail.  Get the newest phone or be out of date- our worth is determined by the price of the car we drive, the phone we carry and how many "friends" we have on social networking.  It can be overwhelming and so easy to fall prey to.

Cars, phones, and other material possessions are just that- possessions, things to be owned.  We are not meant to be owned by them.  Nor are we meant to judge another persons worthiness or credibility based on what their wallet has permitted them to purchase.  It's all smoke and mirrors, isn't it?

Let me share a story that may exemplify this point.  When I was just starting college, my uncle, who was a roofer, wanted to buy a new truck.  He had saved his money for years to purchase a new truck, and went to the show room one day after work.  No cell phone, wearing tar covered, torn jeans, and driving an old rusty truck- he walked into the dealership.  To his amazement, 5 sales people walked right past him- one even dismissing him when he asked for help!

Then, as Fred was getting ready to leave the dealership, a young man walked up to him and asked if he could help Fred.  It was obvious the young man was new to selling cars- Fred stated that he looked to be about the age of 19 or 20- he was nervous, but genuine.  Fred pointed to the truck that he had selected and stated "I'll take that one".  The young man began to ask about what price Fred wanted to pay (let the negotiations begin!), but Fred stated, that he would pay the sticker price.  He asked if they would take a check, and when the young man said yes, Fred wrote him a check on the spot.

This made the young mans day to be sure!  No financing, no negotiating, no hassles.  All he had to do was look past the lack of fancy gadgets, and fine clothes- he looked at Fred as a man, as worthy of good service as any other man.  The other sales people should have learned too.  Five others walked past him because he didn't look like someone who could afford a new truck.  What a shame.

How often do we do the exact same thing?  We look at someone with the newest toys and think they must have it all together for some reason.  That phone was state of the art a few months ago, is now old and seems to be no good anymore.  We treat people the same way.

Wife gets you really mad? Divorce her.  Friends not supportive enough?  Toss them out of your life and walk away.  Job getting tough?  Quit and find a better one.  We treat each other like the newest gadgets- as long as they serve us, we want them; but as soon as they cross us or cannot benefit us in the moment, we want to toss them out with the trash and find the next best thing.

The important thing here is that we are people, not things.  We were created for relationship- and that relationship is to be with God and with each other.  We often forget what a miracle and wondrous gift life is- what a gift our relationships are.  Family, those chosen by God to be in relationship with us, and friends, those lead to us by God, but chosen by us to be in our lives, are essential to our self esteem, our self worth and our well being.  Research has shown for decades that humans require contact, physical, and social.  Take away true meaningful connection, and the human brain begins to suffer irreparable harm.

We need to problem solve, to work through our differences whenever possible.  Cutting a person out to our lives needs to the exception, not the standard practice.  Marriages, family life, friendships, they are all hard, and require great effort and sacrifice on our behalf.  That being said, it is so worth it if we are willing to do the work.  True, meaningful relationships change us for the better.  They give us a sense of security, a safe place to be, a chance to honestly meet the world head on.  When we have strong relationships,  we are more willing to take chances and risks.  We push harder to be better, to excel, to be the best we can be.

Let's take time to work on our relationships, with real communication, and stop making each other so disposable.

My False god- and Giving it Up

The other day, my husband and I had a disagreement about finances, as so many couples do when money is a little tight.   He suggested that perhaps we should cut our cell phones out.  As I checked my email, on my phone, I was horrified.  The idea of life without my phone seemed implausible and just too much to ask for.

After all, how would I be in contact with friends and family when I left the house?  How would I ever shop or find my way without some clever app to show me the way?   And what about all my games?!?!?   Nope, it was just too much to ask of me.

 We moved on and didn't discuss it again   Still, I began to feel convicted in my heart.   As I prayed about it, I could feel God prodding my heart to let go of the material possession and trust Him.   "But my phone?" I protested to Him.  I use my phone all day long- checking Facebook, Twitter, email, texting, words with friends, and so on.  I love the freedom of being able to be in contact with friends and family no matter where I am.  This just seemed to be more than I could bear- but the prodding continued.

So I decided to give it a try.  I am going to give up the cell phone, the data and all the conveniences of the phone.  What I have come to realize while praying about this was that I have come to value my phone far more than I should value any material possession.  My phone is constantly on my person, when I am not checking it, I am often thinking of checking my email or various social media outlets.

While many people can handle this, I have become too attached to my phone.  God tells us in the 10 commandments to have no other Gods before Him- a god is anything we give our time, talent and treasure to.  I definitely have given my money to the phone service, I spend more time on my phone than just about any other device or activity per day, and clearly I treasure it, as evidenced by the near melt down I had at the mere mention that it go away.  As for talent- I can quickly navigate all my apps, often toggling between two or three at a time- that's talent.  So, it would appear that my phone has taken the role of a god in my heart- all that was needed was for me to bow down to it!

I heard a woman speak once about the aftermath of Super storm Sandy- she lived in New York and spoke of the hardships of hauling food and water to her apartment day after day.  Then she added that because there was no electricity in her part of town, she was also forced to forage for places to charge her electronics.  She stated that she and her friends placed as much emphasis on getting fresh food and clean water as they did on getting their phones charged.  Doesn't that say something sad about some of us?

I thought about it- maybe I would be the same- seeking outlets wherever I could end them, toggling a search for food and water with a search for power.  Isn't that sad?  There are some people who can handle the technology, and I applaud those people.  Those are the men and women who can put their phones down, leave them at home, walk away.  To them, a cell phone is a convenience, not a lifestyle.  I thought I was one of them, until my poor innocent husband casually mentioned cutting our phone service- then I realized I was not.  I had become one of those people who constantly have their phones in their hands (yes, I can walk two dogs, and check my apps at the same time).  I don't check my phone while driving, but I do put it right on my dash so I will know if I get a text or email, then I know to check it at the first stop light- not even a drive to to coffee shop goes without some awareness of whether or not I have received a message.

I need to get back to basics.  I love to use social media- but I don't use it all the time, so my laptop is more than adequate.  There is no reason I cannot check it once or twice a day on my computer- not once in all the years that I have had my phone, has a catastrophe happened that I was alerted to over the phone.  I want to return to basics and remember what is important.

It has been said that while we are living in the digital moment, we are missing out on true moments.  I want to start living again and experiencing moments in my life- not just reviewing the moments that others have documented.  I want to experience the wonder of each day, of each sunrise and sunset.  I want to sit and contentedly read a book without checking my email every few minutes.  I think if more of us turned off our technology, we would start to notice one another again.

I will document my experiences with this over the next several weeks on this blog, under the page titled "Giving up my false god".  I hope that what I learn will benefit others as well as myself.

Follow your Dreams or Not?

Over the years, I have heard it said a million different ways, "Follow your dreams", "Be true to yourself", and "follow your heart".    The intention is to do what you love, what you are passionate about and what makes you happiest, but some people take it too far.

Following your dreams is great- if done responsibly and in a manner which does not cause harm to others.  For example, a  20 something year old who is single and has no children may decide one day to quit his job, pack up his things and move across the country t try his hand at starting his own business teaching people to surf in Miami.  It doesn't matter to him that he has no experience teaching people how to surf, or even that he has no business knowledge at all- he is passionate about surfing and feels that he wants to teach as many people as possible.  Good for him.  He can afford to pursue the dream in earnest- if he fails, he is the only one who pays for his failures.  If he succeeds, he can be sure that he was the one who worked hard and achieved his dreams.

Now, take the same dream, but instead of a 20 something year old, inject a 50 year old man, who has been married for nearly 30 years and has three children- all in school and living at home.  The same man, if he quits his job and moves away to follow his heart and be true to himself, is not in danger of only hurting himself if he fails.  He now has four other people depending on him.  His pursuit of a dream becomes irresponsible instead of an adventurous event in his life.

Todays society, it seems, has become so focused on the individual, that we forget, or no longer care, about our responsibilities.  We forget that when we took our wedding vows, it was for forever, not for now.  We don't fight to make things right- all to often we treat the person we vowed to love and cherish as a disposable item (More on this tomorrow), and we walk away.  We walk off jobs after disagreements with our bosses, we stop taking an interest in our children's lives because it is no longer convenient.

The value of hard work, for hard works sake, is disappearing.  We are looking more into ourselves, and less into the world.  We no longer feel that we have social responsibilities to care for the poor, the needy, the sick or the old- we now relegate that to the government or to somebody else.  We need to get back to a time when our word meant something- when you didn't need a 3 page contract agreeing to pay a friend back $20, because your word was enough.  We need to get back to remembering that our friends and family, our jobs, our communities and our country all depend on us for things that we must continue to do or this country is at risk of losing what made it so great.

We don't throw away our families- we cherish them and take care of them.  We work hard for our employers, not because we want the raise, but because it's the right thing to do.  We should be taking care of the needy in our own communities because that is what Jesus told us to do.

Does all this mean that we should not follow our dreams?  Not necessarily.  It does mean that we may not be able to pursue them with the reckless abandon of a young adult with no attachments, but we can always pursue our passions with zest and determination.  God would expect nothing less of us, and in fact, is very pleased when we choose to pursue that which He has called us to do.  Lets take the example from earlier in this post- the 50 year old man with a family.  If he wants to move from the midwest to Miami and teach others to surf, he can do so- responsibly.  He can discuss it with his wife, learn the business, connect with other similar businesses in Miami, maybe get a job to learn the competencies needed for success, then he could start his business.

Other people pursue their passions and dreams when not working a 9-5 job.  This is a great way to recharge and invigorate yourself after a long workweek.  Keeping focus on what we love is important, it pushes us to do better,  to learn more, to grow, to take risks.  The problem is not in following ones dreams, it is in the fact that far too many people follow their dreams with reckless abandon and runs down those closest to them- this is not how God calls us to treat one another.

So follow your dreams, but do so with an eye on your responsibilities.  Also, do what it takes to develop the talent you will need to succeed.  Desire is only one part of achieving dreams, you have to take risks, but you also have to work hard.  If you want to act, take a class.  If you want to play a sport, join a league, read about it, alter your diet, train- no great athlete just shows up for the game and plays well.  They prepare for the game, work at it all week, all season, they train, eat right, nurse injuries, rely on coaches for advice, and practice.  All dreams take the same commitment and hard work.

If you cannot or are not willing to put in the hard work, then what you have is a desire, not a dream.  It may be time for self examination to determine what your true passions are.  Lets all do society a favor and agree that if we cannot follow our dreams while taking care of our current responsibilities (which we chose to take on), then we will not do so.  Far too many spouses and children have been devastated by someone wanting to "be true to themselves".  How about we try and be true to each other?

Importance of Friends

We all have a plethora of people in our lives, in a variety of roles; each serving a specific purpose.  We have teachers or employers, co-workers, family, extended family and acquaintances.  I believe that each person in our lives enters our life for a reason, and that all are equally important; but today I want to discuss the important role of friendships.

I think many people overlook the importance of friends.  The Bible tells us many stories of friendships and the importance of them.  Job complained to his friends as he endured many trials.  His friends held up a mirror for Job asking him, initially, why he felt that he should be exempt from trials and why should Job feel as though he could question God.  Job relied on the support of his friends.  In the same vain, Elijah and Elisha were close friends.  Even Jesus had friends in the Bible- John 11:35 states "Jesus wept".  This was the moment he learned that his friend, Lazarus, was dead.  Jesus was deeply moved and wept for the loss of His friend.

In todays age of instant messaging, friendships have become less personal.  Often times, it's more common to text message or email a friend, than to have an actual conversation.  Our communications have become brief and de-personalized.  Don't get me wrong, I think technology is great.  I use it regularly and see a benefit of it in our lives- but I feel that too many people have allowed social media and texting to replace actual time and real conversations with friends.

We need friends.  God built us to be relational beings.  We were created to be in relationship with God and with each other.  Family is essential, and next to our relationship with God, the most important relationships we will ever experience.  Friends are next in importance.  Friends, true friends who love us and meet us where we are, give us the chance to see ourselves as the world sees us.

Few friends were raised in the exact same environment, cultural or familial, as we were, therefore, they have perceptions and values that may differ greatly from our own.  They have the ability to reflect back to us how others- outside of the bubble of our family- see us.  They provide us with support, a new perspective, and encouragement.

When we are with friends, we have the chance to learn who we are as individuals as well.  With different perspectives and experiences, often times our friends have very different political, social or spiritual issues.  We can learn from them, we can share our ideas and the exchange of ideas helps us to grow and develop our own beliefs.

Not all friendships are created equally.  I have some friends that I call when I want to have a great time- these friends are ready to laugh and have fun.  When I am feeling down or in a rut, they are the ones who will push me to have fun and laugh.  I have other friends who I call when I am feeling a need to get more grounded and back to my roots- these friends have very similar values and morals and are great at holding a mirror up for me to reflect on my actions.  I have friends who seem to know when too push me out of m comfort zone and when to hold my hand.  All are necessary, and I cannot imagine life without each of them.

I have some dear friends, who I can call on no matter what- my closest friends.  These are the friends who know my innermost fears and dreams, they have seen me at my worst and push me to be my best. I value these friendships more than just about any other.  Many times, I have called "just to talk" with a dear friend, only to have her get to the root of what was really hurting my soul.  These friends lift us up to be who God created us to be, and they celebrate with us when we have success.

As an example, I have a dear friend.  She has watched me raise my son, and was at the airport the day my mother passed away.  She has been there for many events in my life- big and little.  One day, when I was living out of state, I casually mentioned to her that I had signed up for my first half marathon, and was excited.  We went on to other topics, then ended our conversation.

The following week, she called  me again to tell me that she had signed up to do the full marathon on the same day I was doing my half because she felt that everyone should have a support person there for their first.  My husband was going and would be very supportive, but to have her train when I trained, line up with me on the starting line, and wait for me at the finish line (she is an incredibly fast runner, while I am very slow)- meant the world to me!  That action said more to me about how much she loved and cared for me, than any greeting card ever could!  She could have texted me good luck or posted some encouraging words on social media, and I would have appreciated it, but her taking the actual time and effort to physically be there, meant the world to me!

We seemed to have lost the importance of just sitting face to face and having a conversation.  When you post something on social media, there is no non-verbal communication to be read.  non-verbal communication is a major component of language and communication.  When we sit across from someone or walk alongside them, we can see their facial expression, their gestures, we can hear the tone and inflection in their voices, we get to touch and be touched.  All of this is missed in a text- sorry techies, but emoticons are not the same as a true facial expression.

We need to get back to communicating and spending real time with our friends.  We need to remember to value our friends and make time for them- to our benefit and theirs.  We would all benefit from stepping away from our smartphones, our laptops and our tablets for a few hours and really connect again with our friends.  Friends help us be who we are meant to be- we should value them and treat them as the gift they are.

Along with that, comes a responsibility.  We get to choose our friends, unlike our family.  Since we choose our friends, there is a responsibility to choose people who lift us up, who live the kinds of lives we want to live.  It is our responsibility to be sure that we are choosing to place people in our lives who deserve to be there and that we are deserving of being in our friends lives.

 The Bible tells us in 1Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived; bad company ruins good morals".  It's not ok to be friends with people who are actively and willingly living a life that our faith is against.  We need to love everyone, but we chose who to allow into our hearts.  We must protect our morals and values when selecting friends.  This doesn't mean that our friends have to agree on everything with us, but as Christians, we would not choose to befriend someone who is actively and purposefully leading a sinful life with no regard to improvement.

When I think of friendships I value, Romans 15:32 comes to mind, "so that I may come to you with joy, by Gods will, and in your company be refreshed".  Friendships should not be emotionally draining or leave us feeling depleted.  Sure there will be times of crisis, when we do feel like this, but if we leave each encounter with a friend feeling drained, sapped and weary, that is person we need to limit in our lives.  Friends lift us up, refresh us and help us to see ourselves as the world sees us. We need to be thankful for our friends, and stop to remember how important they are to our lives.

Life Lesson Two years in the Making

People who know me, will attest to the fact that I have a tendency to not ask for help.  This was especially true a few years ago, before my life changed.  I tended to want things done my way, which to me was the right way, and therefore I seldom sought assistance.  I would run myself ragged trying to do everything that I thought needed to get done.  Then I would be frustrated that nobody recognized how hard I worked or offered to help me- crazy right?

I know, but that's how I was.  I thought that I was strong enough and bright enough and creative enough to do it all.  I was confident that no one could do it as well as me, since I was hyper focused on the details (looking back, this is not a good thing, but I thought it was great then).  My life was ruled by being correct, doing everything right, being good enough- so that others would think I was good enough.  My life was dominated by trying to be "good enough"- home, work, friends, church, parenting, walking down the street- everywhere I went there was underlying focus on what others thought of me.

Then on March 3, 2007 I got a call that began a devastating and life altering period in my life.  I lived in Columbus, Ohio at the time and was working when I received a call from a police officer that my mother had passed away in her sleep.  My uncle (who took care of her and myself since I was 6 months old), was so distraught, the police were afraid to leave him.  I needed to get home, but home was a 10 hour drive or an hour long flight.  I flew home with many people surrounding me offering me support and encouragement.

My need to do everything right, and be strong, proved to be an asset, as I was called upon to take care of the funeral arrangements, nurture my uncle through his grief, and be supportive for my husband and son (who both loved my mother very much).  My ability to be decisive and confident in doing things perfectly, pulled me through as I was completely numb.  Friends tired to get me to open up, but I couldn't- fearful that if I did, I would completely unravel.  My mother and I were, I believed very close, but after her funeral, my uncle looked at me and said that he needed to tell me something that was hard for him.  He stated that my mother made him promise her something, and he wasn't sure he could follow through.

I asked him what it was, he said that she wanted everything she had left in the world (which wasn't much) left to him and my son- she didn't want me to have anything.  He wasn't sure why- she never told him.  Feelings of being not good enough flooded over me as I tried to compose myself.  I told him to do what she requested.  So, he took her material items, gave my son her financial savings, and as a gesture that he understood just how painful that request was, he gave me a crystal bell I had bought for her when I was four.

I thought I would never heal- then, over the course of the next two years, I lost my husbands grandparents (four of them) and my uncle.  I was so close to all those we had lost.  I met my husband when I was 15, so I loved his grandparents as if they were my own.  Every loss compounded the hurt, the confusion, and the pain.  When my uncle passed away, people questioned when I had the funeral, where I had it, and who I invited.  It made me question if I did know what I was doing.

My uncle Fred, who helped raise me and
cared for my mother while I was growing up.

In the period of all this loss, I got angry with God, and I grew depressed.  I tried to stay strong for everyone else, but I questioned everything.  Thoughts of not being good enough swirled through my head over and over.  I felt that God took away most of the people who loved me- I felt like He was punishing me for something, and I was angry because I tried so hard to be a good wife, good mother, good daughter, good friend.  Truthfully, I may have walked away from my faith completely during that time, if God wasn't so faithful and so persistent.

Time and again, I could feel His presence,  His words would intermingle with my doubts.  "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:7),  "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers womb"       (Psalm 139:13) , and "For I know that plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer 29:11) all crept into my mind over and over.

Finally, remembering the power prayer has had in my life, I prayed with all my soul.  I cried, I sobbed, and I asked God to show me what I was missing.  What became clear to me, in that moment, was that I was too focused on others, not on Him.  I needed to learn to trust Him, to turn my eyes upward, not inward.

The truth is, when we focus on God and His word- life becomes a little easier.  Things that seem catastrophic without Him, are barely a blip in my day with Him.  I still struggle to give up control to God, but I am getting better everyday, with His grace.  I miss my loved ones more than anyone knows. Seven years later, I still miss my mother and occasionally pick up the phone and think I should call her, then remember she is gone.  I miss my uncles wisdom and full belly laugh- I miss the grandparents who loved me for being me, with no expectation to look a certain way or behave a certain way.  I know that my heart will always have an empty spot while I'm here- losing loved ones changes us.

The question is how will it change us?  Will we learn to focus on God and trust His timing, His plans?  or will we allow anger, and sadness to consume us?  It's not an easy choice, but it is a choice.  God pursues us, but He never overtakes us- He will take 99 steps towards us, but we must take the last step and reach for Him.

I have found a sense of peace and contentment that I haven't had before- I doubt that many people in my life knew the pain I went through, but God did.  I know His heart broke for me, especially when I was stubborn and refused to turn to Him in my time of need because I thought I could it myself.  Not anymore- now I put all my faith in God.  I reach for Him daily, several times a day, because I can no longer imagine doing life without Him.

God in the Midst of Tragedy

Typhoon Haiyan one of the strongest tropical storms ever recorded in history, swept through the Philippines this past weekend.  It caused devastation and havoc- destroying villages, taking thousands of lives and affecting millions.  The news channels were full of coverage this week, it was impossible to miss the headlines, the graphic and disturbing photographs, the heart wrenching stories.

Since the story was so prevalent, as it should be, it is likely that children saw news stories or heard adults talking about it.  As with any great disaster, natural or man made, children will have questions about what they saw and it may be difficult to explain to them how a loving God can allow such heartbreak and devastation.  As adults, it's hard for us to comprehend and to remember that Gods promise to us is not that we will not experience hardships, but that when we do, He will be there- we will not be alone.  

So, how do we talk to our children about hard topics like this?  First of all, feel free to share that your heart is breaking too, that even as an adult, you are saddened and confused by what has happened.  If you feel helpless, say so- children need to know that their parents have feelings too and understand what they are feeling.  With that said, acknowledge your feelings, but don't dwell.  Stress to your children the faith that you are drawing on.

Times of stress and difficulty are great times to remind ourselves and our families that the Bible teaches us that God is with us through all things and that we can endure all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13).   The verse "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) provides me with a great deal of comfort when life is chaotic and it seems like I cannot make sense of it- it's easy to remember to be still and comforting to know that God is taking over.

It is important that we remember to remind our children that they are safe and that we give them ways to feel like they are helping out.  They can contribute to the various aide organizations or churches going to the Philippines to help.  Every child can pray- prayer is powerful, and children who learn the power of prayer early in life, benefit greatly from the peace and contentment that comes from a close relationship with Christ- knowing that He is in control.  Even when children want to pray and aren't sure what to pray- we can remind them of Romans 8:26-27 "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

Perhaps most importantly is to answer your children's questions honestly, but be aware of the information you are giving them.  Balance your childs personality- how sensitive is she, how aware of current events is he, how old is he- with their desire for more information.  When possible, don't tell a child "Don't worry, this is grown up stuff".  If a child is asking, they are worried already- provide them with age appropriate information, and remind them that in the end our loving God is in control of all things- then pray with them and give thanks for your family.

Several months ago, I heard the Children of the World Choir singing at my local church.  They are an impressive group of children from all over the world who come together to sing Gods praises.  The video below is of a song that has stayed in my heart since I have heard them sing.  This video was not taken in my church, in fact it was taken a few years prior, but the song is catchy and the message pertinent in todays times.  I hope you all find it as entertaining as I do!

Conflict Resolution

What family doesn't have conflict from time to time?  Even the strongest marriages, and healthiest families experience conflicts.  Merriam-Webster Dictionary provides one definition for conflict as "a difference that prevents agreement, a disagreement between ideas, feelings, etc"- has humans we are bound to disagree and see the world differently due to different personalities, histories and perceptions.

Successful conflict resolution involves a few strategies, but it is
worth taking the time to lean them for a stronger family.

Conflict is not necessarily negative in families- it provides an opportunity for each party to grow, to learn about the other and to exchange ideas in constructive and healthy ways.  When done right, conflict can actually teach us how to negotiate with others in the world and to see other points of view.  The problem arises when we handle conflict inappropriately.

Things like name calling, yelling, character assassination all contribute to the shut down of communication- they do not promote healthy, respectful communication.  We must remember when we have a difference of opinion, or see the world differently, that the other person, feels that their perception, their opinion is just as right and valid as we feel ours is.  We learn the most of who our family members are, when we learn to stop and really listen to what they have to say.

When we take time to be respectful, conflict tends to resolve itself much more quickly- often with both parties feeling more satisfied than if they had yelled and screamed until one or the other felt beat down and bullied into submission.  Below are some brief guidelines, shown to be effective at conflict resolution, and can be used with adults and children of nearly all ages.

Keys to Effective Conflict Resolution within Families:

1. Speak calmly- refrain from raising your voice whenever possible.  Sometimes, an idea or concept is something we are passionate about, if you find that you are getting more vocal and louder, take a deep breath, lower your voice and continue speaking calmly.  Research shows that when one person in a disagreement raises his/her voice, the other person does too, and this continues in an upward spiral until wither both parties are yelling loudly and not listening, or one party decides to stop the cycle.
2. Listen- this sounds easier than it is.  When the other person is talking, do not think ahead to your next argument, your next talking point; really listen to what the other person is saying.  Why do they feel what they feel?  Even if you do not agree, it is important that you try to understand why they think or feel the way they do.  Plus, often times, other people have insight or a new perspective they can offer.  Without listening, you may miss something that could change your position.
3. No name calling- EVER!  This is a big one.   Never , ever, ever call the other person hurtful names or assassinate their character.  To begin with, this is your family- chosen for you by God- they are special and deserve more respect that to be called some vulgar name.  Additionally, research shows, that once a person feels attacked, they will stop listening.  Their willingness to cooperate and meet you half way or to hear your point of view is dead in the water.  Never use name calling to get your point across.
4. Be willing to take a break:  this one is a big one- and was really an important rule in our house when our son was a teenager.  We, as a family, had a rule- if a person was getting too heated or upset during a disagreement, it was ok to say "I need a break, I'm going for a walk (or drive, or run, etc) can we talk about this in an hour?".  The disagreement ended right then, for the agreed time frame, but the person who requested the break was required to restart the discussion.  This was hard for me, who liked to fight to the end, but it taught me to respect other peoples limits.  It also taught all of us to discover our limits, and to be assertive enough to say when we reached them, but respectful enough to continue the needed discussion later without being chased down.  This technique has served all of us in my family well through the years.
5. Be willing to compromise/disagree; sometimes you will have to meet in the middle, other times you will just have to be respectful of the fact that the two of you may never see the world exactly the same.  My husband and I do not agree on some major political issues- they are "hot button" issues for us, so we have chosen not to debate them together, but we are respectful of the other persons position.  Remember that our thoughts, feelings and opinions are shaped by our genetics, experiences, what we have learned, our cultures, and our environment.  With so many things at play, it's no wonder that we don't agree on everything!  However, if we learn to be respectful and treat each other with love and kindness, we can not only resolve conflict effectively and quickly, but we may even learn a thing or two.

the Strength within Us All

The strength of most people amazes me.  Through the years, I have had the privilege to walk along side people as they were asked to endure great hardships in life.  Some were more than most would be able to endure.  Time and again, I have been amazed by the resiliency and strength that the human spirit is able to muster up.

From losing a loved one too soon, to life altering tragedies- people have the unbelievable ability to survive.  I have sat with a son who held his mothers hand as she passed from this life, not ready to say good-bye to the woman who cared for him his entire life, and watched him turn around and comfort the staff who felt the loss of that incredible woman.  

We have all heard stories of people who have overcome great tragedy and found success.  The ING New York City Marathon is full of these stories- all the para-athletes, the first time marathoners, those who have overcome personal losses; all run for different reasons, all succeeded.

When life gets you down, and it feels as if you cannot go on- it is so important to remember that your God created you for a purpose.  He gave you every single thing that you will need to get through every trial that He asks you to walk through.  Our God never promised us that being followers of His would make our lives easy, or that we would never experience hardship, but He did promise us that He would be there with us.

Philippians 4:13 is a well known verse, but I think summarizes the human spirit perfectly, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength".   What a comfort!  How many times I have heard people, believers and non-believers alike utter these words.  God gives us the strength we need when we need it, if we just believe and rely on him.

With all recent increase in reported violence in the news, I am forced to wonder if these men knew their Lord?  The shootings at LAX, the Washington Navy Yard, the mall in New Jersey- all great tragedies that should never have happened.  They point to a great depth of loneliness, desperation and weakness on the parts of the perpetrators.  It saddens me that anyone feels so desperate and alone, that they would ever feel the need to end their lives, or the lives of anyone else.  

If they knew the power of Christ, they would know that He walks with them, He feels their pain and suffering and He always has bigger and better plans for us then we ever have for ourselves.  When God allowed  Satan to afflict and test Job, even Job felt despondent and lonely, in Job 10:1 he states "I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free reign to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul".  In the end, Job came to understand that Gods knowledge and wisdom is greater than his and that Gods love for him was more than he could ever comprehend.  He learned to trust God and to find patience in suffering.

I have seen people undergo long illnesses and keep their spirits high; they all point to God for their strength.  We need to keep encouraging one another and reminding each other, that within each of us is the incredibly strong human spirit, which has been created and is nurtured by God to help us walk through trials, which will shape us into better people and bring us to bigger and better things!

Uniqueness is in Each of Us

The other day,  as I walked into the grocery store, I had the privilege of overhearing a father with his son.

 "Dad", as the son, who appeared to be about three or four years old, "How much is your car worth?"
"Well" said dad, "I'd say it's probably worth about $7,000.  Would you pay me $7,000 for my car?"
The son, stopped walking, looked up at his dad and said, "No".  His dad smiled, took his hand and they kept on walking.  A few steps later, the little boy stopped again, and asked his dad, "Dad, would you pay $7,000 for me?"  Without missing a beat, the father said "Son, I would give everything I have for you- because you are that special to me."


As we parted ways, I thought to myself that there was a little boy who was going to grow up knowing how incredibly special he was to at least one person.  As a parent, I have always believed that we have the responsibility to make sure our children feel like they are the most important person in the world to someone.  They need to know that they were created to be unique and special- we all need to know that.

Every child has special gifts and qualities.  Some are intelligent, some are insightful, some are compassionate, others have the gift of leadership, hard work, or teaching.  It is so important, as parents, that we take time to learn what our children's passions and gifts are, so that we can encourage them to always be the best they can be.

God created every person to be unique- to have a specific set of gifts, talents, passions and weaknesses that combine to create just one you.  Every child deserves to know how these come together within them to create one unique them.

Some things, I have seen through my career as a Social Worker, is too many parents who praise their daughters for being pretty- lets remember that looks fade, and while a daughter may be beautiful, it is not her outer beauty that makes her lovable.  I have seen too many teen age girls who are fearful of losing their looks or feel that they have nothing else to contribute to society except being pretty- imagine how that girl would feel if she suffers an accident that gives her a scar on her face.

I have also seen too many boys praised for being "strong".  Too many boys feel that they cannot talk about how they are feeling, they feel that they have to cope or deal with everything on their own.  This can be devastating for boys who experience significant losses in their changes.

We must teach our children that we are not expected to all be the same, but rather that we all have been given gifts chosen just for us, by God.  We must learn to recognize and celebrate that which makes each of us unique and special.

 For example, as a parent, I am one who tends to push my son to experience things, to do for himself.  I have not ever been accused of being to cuddly or over nurturing.  This has served him well in that he is very independent, self sufficient, intelligent and fearless.  He can problem solve better than most people and is not limited by what other people see as confines- he breaks barriers.  I have a dear friend, who is incredibly nurturing- she admires her children's sense of adventure, and does whatever she can for them because she never wants them to be uncomfortable.  Her children are secure, funny, social, and love to laugh.  They are confident and not afraid to ask.  We both agree that both of our parenting styles have benefits and drawbacks- her children are not as independent as she would like, my son, does not like to ask for help and is reluctant to discuss his frustrations- but both are wonderful styles that have great things to offer.  We often talk and benefit from our differences as parents.

We are so fortunate to live in a time when more and more differences are being celebrated, but unfortunately, we do not always teach our children whats really of value- their true gifts, their true talents, and their truest selves.  The old adage is true- it's on the inside that counts.

Sunday Traditions

Ever sit and think about the past?  I do- perhaps a little too often.  Many Sundays, I find myself wondering "what happened to Sunday traditions?".   I'm talking about the true, imbedded traditions, that defined who we, as Americans were (in part).  The kind that comes to mind when you look at Norman Rockwell paintings.

Getting the family ready for church, for one.  Too many families do not attend church, citing reasons such as being too busy, schedule conflicts, children's sports (which are now often scheduled on Sundays) and the need or desire to have a quiet morning at home.  We need the ritual of getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast as a family (which may not happen during the week) and going to church together.

After the week, it's a perfect time for our families to come together, refocus our energies and gives families the chance to remember that there are bigger things in life than what they deal with.  Being with a community of like minded believers, gives us a view much grander than ourselves.  It's important to teach our children the lessons learned in Church- forgiveness, grace, mercy.  Being in church weekly, also instills in ourselves and our children a sense of responsibility and duty (which is also lacking in my opinion, but thats for another day).

What about Sunday dinners?  When my son was home, Sunday was always set aside as family day.  None of us made plans without the family.  His sports, our friends, jobs, etc, all were put on hold on Sundays.  Instead, we used that day to play games, cook dinners that took all day to make, talked, read, hiked, etc.  The point was that we, as a family, were going to spend one day out of seven together.  We cooked large dinners, made favorite snacks, laughed, talked and spent quality time together.  Some of our best memories were made on those Sundays- even now, we hold Sundays close to our hearts.

Sunday meals were traditionally a time for families to come together after a hectic week and catch up.  It was a time to linger at the table, talk about work, school, friends, social issues, etc.  This gave children a chance to learn how adults thought, felt and believed about issues, and it gave parents a chance to really listen and get to know their children.  Nowadays, too many of our children don't eat at home, or they don't eat with their parents.  Busy work schedules, longer work hours, less of a focus on family time, all contribute to the decline of family meal times- which research shows is so important for the development of our children.

It has become socially acceptable to not see our families all day.  We get up, go to work or school, come home, do homework, go out with friends, watch tv (often in different rooms), play on our electronics, and go to bed with little real connection with each other.  Sunday dinners slowed the pace of the week- it gave the family a chance to connect and to recharge, to prepare for the upcoming week. Instead of a rat race pace for months on end, families consistently had at least one day a week to slow down, get their bearings and prepare for the week ahead.  The Bible tells us that this is essential- God commands us to take a day- there is a reason for this, we are wired to require time to slow down and recharge.

Overall, weekly traditions play a role in shaping who are children grow into and how they view family life.  They provide a consistency that is all to often lacking in this world- and we all crave some consistency and predicability.  It also defines who we, as a family are.  This goes a long way to helping our children define who they are as individuals.  It is my opinion, that we as families need to reclaim our Sunday traditions, whatever they are, and reclaim our family life.

That is the view from my corner of the world.

Weakness of a Strong woman

I am a strong woman, this does to come as a surprise to anyone who knows me.  If you ask my opinion, I will give it to you- often directly and all to often, harshly, but always honestly.  I was raised to be honest- even if it was not what others wanted to hear.  My mother, a wonderfully strong woman, ingrained in me early that strength was an important quality for a person to have.

When life got hard for us, and things didn't go right, she would use the adage "pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep going".  When I would get insecure about what others thought, she would tell me that if I knew how seldom people thought of me, I would not worry about it.  She is the reason that I am the woman I am today- I am strong and have gotten through many hardships because of her.  When I had my son, I was determined to teach him to be strong and independent as well, because I valued this skill so much in myself.

What I soon learned, is that my mother forgot to teach me how to be vulnerable.  She was great at balancing strength and vulnerability- I'm still not sure how she was able to do it so well, but she was a master at it.  I never learned to be vulnerable and rely on others.  When times got tough, I would retreat into myself and rely on my own strength to get by.  Too often, this has not served me as well as I would have liked.

I have found that, not only do I get very lonely when I am the most in need of support from others, but because I never understood what it means to put your soul out there, I never took the necessary care required to nurture the hearts of those I loved the most.  I have struggled with this for a long time, and am learning to lean on others.  What I am learning is what a gift it is when someone trusts you with a  personal struggle.

I'm not talking about questions like "how does this dress look?" or "do you like my new haircut?"- these require honesty, but a little tact can go a long way.  I'm talking about when a dear friend comes to you in the midst of a life changing event.  Years ago, I had a friend come to me after a traumatic divorce, which she neither deserved nor saw coming.  She was excited to be dating again, but her divorce was not yet final.  Being a Christian, I told her I thought it was wrong to start dating.  She was hurt, and we talked about it.  Throughout the years, I told myself I was being strong, and true to myself.  The truth is- I was being selfish.

My friends reality, in that moment, did not need my input.  She didn't ask for my opinion, nor did she seek my approval.  What she sought was my friendship, love and support.  I look back now, and think, I would tell her how much I love her and that I want her to be happy.  If she asked my opinion, I would give it- gently, although I suspect she knew my stance.

As I allow myself to be vulnerable with others, and learn to rely less on my strength and more on the strength of my God, I have learned how raw those moments can be.  I now value those times with my family and friends.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be trusted with their hearts.  I'm still honest, but now I understand the value of tact and gentleness.  I also understand the value of reaching out for others.

As I have learned to reach out to others, I find that I have learned to reach out to Christ as well.  This is hard for a midwestern girl who was raised to be "the strong one", "the rock for everyone else".  Still, as I go through this, I have come to realize that we, as a society do not trust each other enough.

Along with yesterdays post about how we have stopped caring for each other, I think we have stopped expecting others to be there and care for us.  I cannot tell you how many times, I have watched friends, and acquaintances go through difficult, life altering events- and try to do it alone so that they would not be a bother to anyone else.  It makes me sad.  Maybe if we expected more of ourselves and others, our world would be a better place.

Thats the view from my corner of the world.