We all have a plethora of people in our lives, in a variety of roles; each serving a specific purpose. We have teachers or employers, co-workers, family, extended family and acquaintances. I believe that each person in our lives enters our life for a reason, and that all are equally important; but today I want to discuss the important role of friendships.
I think many people overlook the importance of friends. The Bible tells us many stories of friendships and the importance of them. Job complained to his friends as he endured many trials. His friends held up a mirror for Job asking him, initially, why he felt that he should be exempt from trials and why should Job feel as though he could question God. Job relied on the support of his friends. In the same vain, Elijah and Elisha were close friends. Even Jesus had friends in the Bible- John 11:35 states "Jesus wept". This was the moment he learned that his friend, Lazarus, was dead. Jesus was deeply moved and wept for the loss of His friend.
In todays age of instant messaging, friendships have become less personal. Often times, it's more common to text message or email a friend, than to have an actual conversation. Our communications have become brief and de-personalized. Don't get me wrong, I think technology is great. I use it regularly and see a benefit of it in our lives- but I feel that too many people have allowed social media and texting to replace actual time and real conversations with friends.
We need friends. God built us to be relational beings. We were created to be in relationship with God and with each other. Family is essential, and next to our relationship with God, the most important relationships we will ever experience. Friends are next in importance. Friends, true friends who love us and meet us where we are, give us the chance to see ourselves as the world sees us.
Few friends were raised in the exact same environment, cultural or familial, as we were, therefore, they have perceptions and values that may differ greatly from our own. They have the ability to reflect back to us how others- outside of the bubble of our family- see us. They provide us with support, a new perspective, and encouragement.
When we are with friends, we have the chance to learn who we are as individuals as well. With different perspectives and experiences, often times our friends have very different political, social or spiritual issues. We can learn from them, we can share our ideas and the exchange of ideas helps us to grow and develop our own beliefs.
Not all friendships are created equally. I have some friends that I call when I want to have a great time- these friends are ready to laugh and have fun. When I am feeling down or in a rut, they are the ones who will push me to have fun and laugh. I have other friends who I call when I am feeling a need to get more grounded and back to my roots- these friends have very similar values and morals and are great at holding a mirror up for me to reflect on my actions. I have friends who seem to know when too push me out of m comfort zone and when to hold my hand. All are necessary, and I cannot imagine life without each of them.
I have some dear friends, who I can call on no matter what- my closest friends. These are the friends who know my innermost fears and dreams, they have seen me at my worst and push me to be my best. I value these friendships more than just about any other. Many times, I have called "just to talk" with a dear friend, only to have her get to the root of what was really hurting my soul. These friends lift us up to be who God created us to be, and they celebrate with us when we have success.
As an example, I have a dear friend. She has watched me raise my son, and was at the airport the day my mother passed away. She has been there for many events in my life- big and little. One day, when I was living out of state, I casually mentioned to her that I had signed up for my first half marathon, and was excited. We went on to other topics, then ended our conversation.
The following week, she called me again to tell me that she had signed up to do the full marathon on the same day I was doing my half because she felt that everyone should have a support person there for their first. My husband was going and would be very supportive, but to have her train when I trained, line up with me on the starting line, and wait for me at the finish line (she is an incredibly fast runner, while I am very slow)- meant the world to me! That action said more to me about how much she loved and cared for me, than any greeting card ever could! She could have texted me good luck or posted some encouraging words on social media, and I would have appreciated it, but her taking the actual time and effort to physically be there, meant the world to me!
We seemed to have lost the importance of just sitting face to face and having a conversation. When you post something on social media, there is no non-verbal communication to be read. non-verbal communication is a major component of language and communication. When we sit across from someone or walk alongside them, we can see their facial expression, their gestures, we can hear the tone and inflection in their voices, we get to touch and be touched. All of this is missed in a text- sorry techies, but emoticons are not the same as a true facial expression.
We need to get back to communicating and spending real time with our friends. We need to remember to value our friends and make time for them- to our benefit and theirs. We would all benefit from stepping away from our smartphones, our laptops and our tablets for a few hours and really connect again with our friends. Friends help us be who we are meant to be- we should value them and treat them as the gift they are.
Along with that, comes a responsibility. We get to choose our friends, unlike our family. Since we choose our friends, there is a responsibility to choose people who lift us up, who live the kinds of lives we want to live. It is our responsibility to be sure that we are choosing to place people in our lives who deserve to be there and that we are deserving of being in our friends lives.
The Bible tells us in 1Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived; bad company ruins good morals". It's not ok to be friends with people who are actively and willingly living a life that our faith is against. We need to love everyone, but we chose who to allow into our hearts. We must protect our morals and values when selecting friends. This doesn't mean that our friends have to agree on everything with us, but as Christians, we would not choose to befriend someone who is actively and purposefully leading a sinful life with no regard to improvement.
When I think of friendships I value, Romans 15:32 comes to mind, "so that I may come to you with joy, by Gods will, and in your company be refreshed". Friendships should not be emotionally draining or leave us feeling depleted. Sure there will be times of crisis, when we do feel like this, but if we leave each encounter with a friend feeling drained, sapped and weary, that is person we need to limit in our lives. Friends lift us up, refresh us and help us to see ourselves as the world sees us. We need to be thankful for our friends, and stop to remember how important they are to our lives.
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