What Makes Us Great?

Greatness is defined as "exceptionally high quality" by  the Mirriam-Webster Dictionary.  Words listed as similar include: faultlessness, flawlessness, perfectness and even value, worth and importance.  Talk about a high standard!  As a Christian, I believe that there was only one person who could meet that definition; so, while I value Mirriam-Websters opinion, I have chosen to redefine greatness in my life.

I believe that greatness is in all of us.  We need to believe in our abilities, do our best and do what we do out of love.  Greatness is not in doing something better than anyone else, that just makes us great at one thing.  A truly great person, approaches life differently than most of us-they approach life from a position of love and kindness.  Greatness is doing something that changes the world, for the better.

Parents, when we do our jobs well, we have achieved greatness.  Don't believe me?  Let me share an question that was presented to me years ago.  Who is greater, the great Reverend Billy Graham or his mother?  There is no doubt that Billy Graham is a great man who has brought millions to Christ, and has made significant changes in how we look at each other; but I present that he was taught to be so loving and on fire for Christ by his parents.  His mother planted the seed, taught him to have the confidence to vocalize his beliefs and the strength to stand when others questioned him.  See what I mean?

As a parent, we approach our children with love.  Our hearts are overflowing with love for our children, therefore we provide for them, discipline them, support them.  To be sure, I consider my greatest achievement to be my son-and I know many parents who feel exactly the same way.  What a blessing for our children!  As a side note, I believe that every child should feel like they are the most important person in the world to their parents, and that the lives of their parents have been enriched by their children.

OK,  back to the topic of greatness.  It is in the small details that true greatness can be found.  It is in how we speak to one another, how we confront or support one another, and how we behave when no one is there to see us that really defines greatness.  A great person is full of integrity, honest and truthful and approaches every person with love.

We are great when we take in the homeless, feed the hungry or shelter the needy without seeking recognition.  We are great when we look within ourselves and seek to make the world a better place without announcing what we are doing.  We are great when we can sit with a grieving friend and just hold their hand when the words won't come.

It's time to redefine greatness in our minds and stop worshipping todays world leaders, celebrities and sports stars.

It's the Little Things that Matter Most

As I write this, I am watching my two dogs play on the floor, romping and rolling over each other, I have a cup of coffee next to me and a fire in the fireplace.  I can feel the richness of the blessings in my life.  I have to say that I am more content here in this time and place than I would be anywhere else.  "How can that be" you're thinking, "are you telling me you would rather be at home than traveling the world staying in five star accommodations?"  Yep, that is exactly what I am telling you, and here is why-I have learned that it is the smallest of blessings that matter most in life.

Through my years as a social worker, and especially in my time working with people near the end of life, I have learned that it is the tiniest things that carry the biggest impact.  When you listen to someone who is coming to terms with dying, you hear stories of time spent with family and friends, you hear of special days, and memories of parents.  I have yet to have a dying person tell me what the political climate was the year they got married, but just about every person will tell you about how they felt, what they wore and how in love they were. 

When we look back on our lives, we don't think about that Saturday that we were so angry with our friend for not calling us back, or the fact that we missed some sale.  We remember sitting outside with families on a warm summer evening, sharing stories.  We recall small individual conversations, that in the moment did not seem significant.  We remember and dwell on the good times, the times we were sad and were lifted up by family or friends.  

It is the smell of a newborn baby or laundry on the line that we remember.  We are comforted by the scent of bread baking, or cookies coming from the oven.  We find that our hearts are lifted when we watch puppies play, children laughing or birds singing.  The beauty of flowers, trees and nature overwhelm us.  It is not the expensive trips or lavish accommodations that make the deepest impressions on us, it is the scenery, the view of nature.  It reminds us that we are small in comparison, that our God is big and great and wonderful.

One cannot stand on the top of a mountain or at the shore of the sea and not feel small.  We cannot gaze at the stars and not realize how great our God is.  It is the small details of creation that make us feel blessed.  Who among us has not watched a loved one suffer an illness and given thanks that our bodies are working correctly?  How many of us have watched someone we love lose someone close to them and felt the overwhelming gratitude that we could go home and hug our spouse, our children or our parents?

It is often the quiet moments that I am able to hear God speaking to my heart, my soul.  It is when I take time to notice and appreciate the small blessings in life that I realize it is exactly these moments that are what life is all about.  Don't get me wrong, the fact that we are surrounded by large blessings and great miracles every day is wonderful and awe inspiring to me; but when we look back, when we recall the moments that made our lives what they are, it is the small details, the names and the faces that we will recall.  We will remember the feelings aroused by certain smells, the sense of comfort and security of being held in our spouses arms.  We will remember the overwhelming joy of seeing our children do all their first-first step, first day of school, first love, and even their first child.  

We must learn to appreciate these moments, they pass so quickly.  If we stop and take notice of them while they are happening, we will be more content, more able to see the blessings in our lives.  We will naturally focus less on the inconveniences of life.  We will understand that what is important is happening every single moment, and we only need to stop and take it in.

We must learn to observe and appreciate the small things, then we need to teach our children to do the same.  We have a responsibility to teach our children that it is not the material possessions that make us rich, but rather the moments and people God has blessed us with.  Only then, can our children know true contentment and eventually true joy.

New Years Resolutions and the Afterglow of the Holidays

In November, we gave thanks for all that we have been blessed with, praising God and being sure to take note of all the good in our lives.  We felt great about what we had and even appeared to be content for a moment.  Then December came and we all clamored for the next big thing that we had to have.  We become aware of what we do not have, what we want and suddenly we are not as content as we were just a few short weeks ago.

So in our new found discontent, we give lists of our wishes to our friends and family, we go to the stores in search of their wants and desires (partially in the hopes that if we satisfy their wants, maybe they will satisfy ours).  We search for good deals and the best prices like the cavemen used to hunt wild game-with precision, a plan and as if our very well being depends on it.  We take home our little treasures, wrap them up and give them to one another.

We are relational creatures, I have written about this several times, but I think the holiday season brings this out in us more than other times of the year.  Maybe its all the family dinners, the holiday parties, or the small get togethers with friends.  Maybe its being forced to think about others for a bit, even if it is only for  a moment.  Whatever the reason, the holiday season always makes me more aware of how important my relationships are to me.

We are nearing the new year, the day when many make resolutions to change what they don't like.  The most common resolution according to statistic brain is to lose weight, followed by get organized, and spend less.  In fact, it is not until number 8 that we begin to see others incorporated into our desires to make ourselves and the world better.  

As a matter of fact, it struck me that of the  Top 10 New years Resolutions, several of them surround undoing what we have done during the holiday season.  We eat a lot of sweets and rich foods, then pledge to lose weight.  We indulge in sitting around with family and friends, not working out as we should, then pledge to get fit and healthy.  The chaos of the holiday season causes us to pledge to get more organized.  We have just gotten done telling everyone how we do not have enough in our lives, then we pledge to help others reach their dreams.

I have often wondered why we don't look out for each other, all the time.  Why do we need a special day to start taking care of ourselves and others?  The poor and the needy, are not only poor and needy at the first of the year-they experience hardship every day.  We are called by Christ to reach out daily to those in need.  It is essential that we do not lose sight of this.  

We are nearing the end of a season of blessings and overindulgence for most of us; but there are many who had nothing, who suffered a great deal and were in need as well, and these needs will continue long after the glow of Christmas has left most of us.  As an example, on December 23, I took some gifts to a local battered woman's shelter for the children who would be there on Christmas; the gifts were donated by my family and my husbands mother and step father (very generous people indeed).  When I dropped them off, a staff person shared with me that on that day there were 15 children in the shelter.  

Take a second and process that.  In one small shelter, there were 15 children who would spend the holiday with strangers, escaping a dangerous and scary situation.  That does not include the homeless, the mentally ill or physically ill who would be hospitalizes, nor does it include those who were surrounded by loved ones, but who felt alone because of deep pain they were experiencing.  While most of us see the holiday season as a time of great blessings and joy, many more than we realize are suffering and hurting.  Their loneliness and pain can be magnified by all the joy around them.  Far too often, we turn a blind eye to this hurting.

I know that we can all come together and make a difference, but we have to make the effort.  We all need to reach out to those we see who are lonely or suffering.  A kind word, a gentle touch or even a smile can make a difference.  We need to feed the hungry, provide clothing and shelter to the poor and reach out to the widow/widowers.  We must take care of each other, as Christ took care of us. 

We must remember that the resolution to lose weight indicates the great blessing of an abundance of food.  The resolution to get organized means we have been blessed with material possessions that can make a difference in others lives.  When we resolve to spend more time with family, it is because we have loved ones around to spend time with.  To say that we want to get fit and healthy, means that we are comfortable enough to think about our health.  Our energy is not focused on providing the basics for ourselves-we have food, shelter, clothing and the basic necessities of life.  These are all wonderful things, but we must not lose sight of the fact that many others do not have the same blessings.

We should all resolve this year, this day, to take care of one another as we have been commanded to.

Mixed Bag of Emotions

My son, who is grown and lives across the country, is coming home for Christmas.  My husband and I could not be more proud of him.  He is successful and intelligent and everything parents hope their child will grow into as an adult.

It's been far too long since we have seen him, and to be honest, I am as excited as a child on Christmas morning.  I found it difficult to sleep last night, and am counting down the hours until I get to see him getting off the plane this afternoon.  Make no mistake, I am so grateful that he will be home for Christmas.

That being said, if I am honest, I have to admit that there is some trepidation as well.  Maybe trepidation is not the correct word, there is no fear of what is to come; but this Christmas will be different.  When we have children, we get to see the wonder in their eyes as they experience the holiday every year.  We grow accustomed to getting up early, unwrapping our gifts and listening to the joyful glee of a child thrilled to get a gift.

As our children grow, it is impossible for them to understand how much the holidays change for their parents.  Instead of a gleeful child, we are now sharing the day with an adult, who is finding their ways in the world.  It's a great blessing indeed, but there is also some sadness that comes from the holidays of the past being gone.

When my son was small, we were surrounded by grandparents, parents and extended family.  Christmas was a time of great joy with family members who hadn't been seen all year.  Sadly, many of those have passed on.  This Christmas will be smaller, more intimate.

I am so excited to watch my son grow into the man he is becoming, but I miss the days of his youthful exuberance and grandparents joining us around the table to share their memories of Christmas' past.  Now, it is our turn to share our memories-thats ok.

I think when we are young, we cannot understand the nostalgia of past seasons.  As we grow, and begin to celebrate the holidays without loved ones and see the changes in our children there is a certain sadness that mixes with the joy of the season.  It is a strange feeling indeed, but it is necessary for the generations to continue.

This year, my husband and I will entertain family and friends, we will share stories from over the years, we will laugh and we will be filled with joy; but deep in our hearts, there will also be a slight sadness that comes from missing those days.

Grief During the Holiday Season

We will all experience grief during the holidays at one time or another, and we will certainly know someone who must endure grief during the holidays.  There are many types of grief, and many types of grieving, but all have one thing in common-the grieved must cope with feelings of loss and sadness at a time when others around them are full of joy and happiness.

It can be very difficult to navigate the waters of comforting a loved one during the holidays.  Before we can offer comfort, or begin to heal ourselves, we need to recognize that there are many types of grief and loss.  Other than the obvious losses experienced through the death of a loved one or divorce, there are numerous other experiences that are losses.  People can grieve the loss of a job or pet, the loss of friendships, loss of independence, or even the perceived loss of rituals.  What may not seem like a big deal to one person, may very well be all consuming and joy robbing for another person.

Grief or loss can be difficult
especially during the holidays

The holiday season is a time that is full of joy and happiness, bright lights, smiles, laughter and get togethers.  We have work parties, parties with friends, family get togethers and neighborhood parties.  There are gifts to give with big bows and brightly colored paper.  Family and friends travel all over the country to come together and rejoin our hearts.  It is a time of celebration of the birth of our Lord-even non believers get in on the party and feel the joy.  This can be extremely isolating for someone experiencing loss and grief.

The good news is that God knows when our hearts hurt and our souls are aching for something or someone.  He comforts us with his word, if we just take the time to listen.  While most of us know Psalm 23, the Psalms are full of encouragement about loss and grief.  When I was experience a great deal of loss at Christmas several years ago, the one verse that brought me the most comfort was "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).  To know that the pain and grief was temporary, that God knows what we are going through and will bring us through to joy, is a gift.  It brings hope, and oftentimes, hope is all we need to endure.

The important thing to keep moving and healing; but how does a person do this?

How to cope with grief during this time:

1.  Give the loss/grief a name:   This sounds easy, and sometimes it is.  The death of a loved one is full of hurt and loss, and can be very was to put a name to.  Other losses, like the loss of a tradition, children growing and moving, loss of independence, and so on, can be much more difficult to name.  Often times, we are not even sure ourselves why we are down or sad, but it is important to take time to do an inventory and recognize that a loss is being experienced.

There is a book by Kenneth J. Doka published in 2002 called "Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice".  In it he discusses the many types of loss that are felt deeply by the one experiencing it, but not necessarily recognized by society.  The declining memory or physical abilities of an aging parent is an example (felt by both the child and the parent), and child spending time in jail or a treatment facility, death of a pet, even the death of an ex-spouse can all be labeled disenfranchised grief.  Take time to recognize what the loss is and why it is felt as loss.

2.  Give yourself permission to feel the grief:  People who are grieving are often told to "move on" or "get over it"-this can be very detrimental to the one experiencing loss.  It gives the idea that it is not ok to be sad or feel the loss.  This will lead to isolation and the person feeling like they are all alone in their grief.  If you are experiencing a loss, give yourself permission to feel the grief, to be less than joyous at this time.  If you know someone who is grieving, give them time and permission to be down and feel sad.  This may not seem like a big deal, but to give someone a safe place to grieve is a huge gift.

3.  Give a voice to the grief/loss:  What this means is this-talking about the loss is essential to healing! Talking gives the person a chance to process what they are feeling, ask for support and feel the love and encouragement from family/friends.  When loss or grief is talked about, it has the potential to decrease the feelings of isolation.  Talking about good times and the feelings that are arising from the loss can be extremely cathartic.  This makes it easier to heal.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 talks about the benefits of friendship and loved ones.  We are created to be relational beings, and that is also true in our grief.  We all need to lean on someone at one time or another.  Recognize that feeling sadness during the holidays is ok, and that talking about it with friends or family does not detract from their joy.

4.  Reach out for help:  I have to be honest here, it this is really hard for me.  I am stubborn and don't like to show others my weaknesses; I want to be seen as strong.  That being said, the truth is, we all need help from time to time.  There are times when we offer help, and there are times when we receive it.  If the loss or grief is overwhelming, and you are feeling like there is no hope, thinking of suicide or not able to see a way out, get professional help immediately.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone who is grieving, is listen.  Other times, we can take steps to help them heal.  Encouraging them to be with people who love them, that its ok to laugh one minute and feel deeply sad the next, offering to just spend time with them, are all great ways to help a grieving person.  Reminding them that God is near and feels their pain and will one day bring happiness back to their hearts, is also great.  There are so many verses that are encouraging during times of loss, this website has a wonderful listing of them to remind us how great and powerful God is in our times of loss:

    Encouraging Bible verses about Grief

5.  Do for others:  When we give to or do for others, we have an opportunity to see the difference we can make for others.  Helping others helps us begin to heal our hearts.  God calls us to take care of one another, and to be able to do so in our grief is a special gift to God (and to ourselves for that matter).  This will not take away all the pain or heal the heart completely, but it is a step.  A bonus of helping others is that it reminds us that we are not alone in our suffering.

6. Remember that you are an individual:  This is an important point-every person feels loss differently and heals in their own time.  There is no right way to grieve.  As individuals, some will want to talk a lot about the loss, others will just want to be involved in holiday traditions (and may not discuss much). Still others will have be a mix of these two approaches.  All are ok. 

In the same line of thinking, grief is not a linear process.  One minute (or day or week) may be full of sadness, tears and deep feelings of loss, the next may be more resigned, happy or even guilt filled.  Grief and loss is a process similar to a roller coaster-you are strapped in and going for a ride filled with ups, downs and a few loops!  It ok to go through these, expect that feelings will change dramatically and possibly often, and give yourself permission to feel the emotions as they come.

I hope this post is helpful if you are experiencing a loss/grief or if you know someone who is.

Personal and Social Responsibility-Not Completely Different

I would like to build on to the previous post today.  In my last post, I wrote about personal responsibility and how not enough of society is taking accountability for their own choices.  Today, I want to expand that.  I assert that we are not doing enough to care for each other-our social responsibility has waned, and we need to correct this soon!

In Biblical times, people were cared for from birth to the end of their lives.  Children were cared for by a community, and as parents grew older, the children took care of them.  Look at 1Timothy 5:8 which says "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever".  In history, a mans household was not thought of literally as those who resided in his actual home, but rather it was his family.  Parents, children, spouse, brothers/sisters, their spouses and children, even aunts, uncles, grandparents and even cousins.  It was understood that each of us is expected to provide for and take care of every individual in our households.

Too many families today have lost this feeling of responsibility to one another.  How many times has a parent of a child said to another family member "Don't tell me how to raise my child!" when questioned on a decision the parent has made or a behavior the child has exhibited?  This is not correct.  We were never made to raise our children alone, in a vacuum.  Remember the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child?"  That phrase is so popular because it's true.  Children who are raised in homes where they are taught to respect all their elders, as opposed to just mom and dad, tend to do better in life, they are equipped with necessary skills to succeed.

In addition, other parents often see things that we are blinded to with our children.  They can see the little things that will hinder them in life, that we parents see as adorable and cute.  Every person brings with them different perspectives, which can be enlightening when coping with an issue or behavior.  Our children do best when we allow others to help us.  It also reduces the stress of the parents.  There is great comfort in knowing that we are not alone in any situation, and parenthood is the toughest situation most of us will ever find ourselves in (albeit very rewarding!).

It's not just us allowing others to help us, we need to be helping and caring for others too.  I cannot tell you how many times I have talked with a co-worker who complains about their niece or nephews behaviors.  When asked if they are willing to talk to the parents about it, they say "Why? it's not my kid".  Confronting or discussing tough issues can be complicated and sensitive, but it's not good to avoid them.  We all need a mirror held up for us once in a while, and sometimes we don't like what is said, but that does not make it any less true.

What about our aging family members?  In Biblical times, if a woman was widowed, it was expected and understood that her son would take care of her.  Do we do this now?  How many children are willing to care for their parents in todays society?  Some, but many more, turn a blind eye, and let their parents suffer in old age.  Our society embraces youth and independence, so it is no surprise that when our parents age and begin to feel the effects of aging (increased forgetfulness, decreased mobility and endurance, vision and hearing disturbances, health issues, financial stresses), they are reluctant to ask for help.

Many elderly feel that if the ask for help, they will be "put in a home somewhere and forgotten".  Don't get me wrong, I have working in nursing homes and know that they provide excellent care, and are staffed with some of the most dedicated, loving and hard working people you will ever meet.  This, however, does not change the fear our aging population has of them.  Many remember the old, institutional nursing homes where patients were not well cared for, were overmedicated and forgotten about.  Having this fear, they often will not reach for help, instead they try to get by on their own.

Getting by on their own may mean having to skip meals, not maintain their residences, and not getting out and socializing as often.  Since we are created as relational beings, this extreme loneliness has both psychological and physical effects including depression, anxiety, increased aches and pains, breathing difficulties, sleep disturbances and increased feelings of hopelessness.  We all have a responsibility to look out for our aging parents, neighbors etc, while helping them maintain a sense of independence.

The fourth commandment is to "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12).  If we are honest, most of us have to admit that we do not honor our parents as we should.  Do we spend time with them, recognize their wisdom and experience?  Are we sensitive to their needs, do we provide for them and ensure that they are happy and secure in their environment?  Too many of us, if we searched our hearts, would have to admit that we do not.

We call, or visit, but in our time with our parents we are focused on our busy lives, what we have to get done that day and what will be coming the next few days.  We worry about our children and our homes, but we don't really listen and engage when our parents talk about whats going on in their lives.  This is a shame, because the aging have so much to offer us, and we are missing it because we feel too busy.

The Biblical principle of  caring for others, is not limited to our families.  Philipians 2:4 states "do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others" (NASB).  We are called to care for all the needy, in every way we can.  This does not mean only around the holidays when we see the little red buckets with scores of volunteers ringing bells, but all year.  We are to care for all in need, when we see need.

We do not know each others story.  It is easy to look at a homeless man begging for food and drive by thinking that he is lazy or a drunk; but consider this story.  When my son was little, if we say a homeless or hung person, we bought them something to eat (maybe a sandwich or small snack, but something), we would give it to them and continue on our day.  When in college, he continued this practice.

One cold day, in Madison, WI, he gave a homeless man a burger and fires from a local restaurant.  the homeless man was well known around the campus by a not so flattering name, and my son felt bad for him.  When he gave the man the food, the gentleman asked him to sit and talk for a bit, which he did.  What he learned from that man, changed his perceptions forever.  That gentleman was a successful businessman in his life who fell on a series of hardships, which I will not share here to respect his privacy.  His life was destroyed and he lost his home.  He spoke of how many people talked about him as if he could not hear, or looked at him as if he were not there.  Imagine feeling like a burden to society just because you fell on hard times!

Most of us are fortunate-we have a warm place to sleep, people who love us, food in our bellies.  We have what we need, but there are those in society who lack the basics that the rest of us take for granted.  It saddens me that in this time and country of great wealth, there is extreme poverty, homelessness and so many people who live alone and afraid.  When did we go from a community who looks after one another to a community of individuals whose primary focus is on themselves?

We need to come back to Christ and to the church and it's teachings.  We need to remember to take care of each other, love each other, and look out for each other; for those we know and those we don't, for those we see and those we look past.  Every person, no matter their circumstance, are children of Gods.  He loves them all, and calls us to do the same.

Is Personal Responsibility Gone?

The other day, I was taken aback when I heard a television commercial start with these words "Do you live in the United States? Then you have the right to be debt free" (emphasis added).  It was a commercial for a bankruptcy attorney-as I'm sure you could have guessed.

When did being born in the United States guarantee that you would be debt free?  Did I miss that in the Declaration of Independence or the Bill of Rights?  Do we no longer expect people to hold themselves accountable?

In recent years, this country has developed an attitude of entitlement that is becoming hard to support.  It was not that long ago that people expected to pay their bills, work hard to provide for their families, and take care of family members that needed assistance.  Taking a hand out from the government, or even friends and family for that matter, was a last resort and only done after every other option was tried.

Too many people today refuse to work, unless they are able to find the perfect job with the right salary and benefits.  "Why should I lower myself?" they say.  While it may not be ideal to work at a fast food chain when you have children at home, getting paid a little is better than getting paid nothing!  It is understood that you cannot support a family on the current minimum wage, and it is true that with the economic situation being what it is, many families cannot find higher paying jobs.  That is unfortunate, but it does not excuse husbands and wives, or individuals from living responsibly.

When an individual is faced with a significant cut in income, the responsible thing to do is cut your expenses, do what you can to work (including two jobs if needed) and live within your means.  Is this easy? It is absolutely not, but it is what is necessary.  I am confused when society went from expecting a person to do what was needed to make ends meet to a society that says you have the right to be debt free without any work on your behalf?  Go ahead, keep spending, buy the house you cannot afford anymore, get the nice car, and send your children to private school, if you get too far in debt, you can just call an attorney, file bankruptcy and start over!

This is not the answer.  In addition to not being financially responsible, we have a moral obligation to pay our debts.  Lenders lend money in good faith that we will pay them back-it is morally reprehensible to take their money, then when money is tight, refuse to pay them, refuse to take a job that is not your ideal and expect the government to help you out.

It is true that there are real crisis situations when people lose their jobs, get overtaken by a medical emergency in the family, and they cannot get out from under it.  There are times when people legitimately need to file for bankruptcy, however a majority of people who file are not in true crisis-they are in a situation where it would mean altering their lifestyle to get by.

It's not just finances either.  Families used to be close, it used to be understood that you took care of your children, and when you grew old, they would care for you.  Todays society is very mobile, often causing families to live far apart.  However, the explosion of long term care units, assisted living facilities and continuing care communities point to a change in our mentality.  Many people in these facilities are placed there by loving and involved families, who came to the decision to move mom or dad in after much discussion.  These families come to visit, come to care meetings and are interested in how mom and dad are doing.

Too many patients, however, were brought there after being told they can no longer live alone.  The family members promise they will be there often to see mom and dad, they will pick them up and take them to family events.  Once admitted, too many of these families disappear.  They stop by once or twice a year, fail to call, do not attend care meetings, and truthfully, do not even check on their parents. I once worked at a facility in a different state.  When a long term resident passed away, I contacted his son, who came to clean out the room.  The nursing staff and housekeeping staff, who knew every family member, told me that in the 10 years, the gentleman lived there, they had never seen the son!  The resident could not use a phone due to advanced cognitive issues, but regularly reminisced with staff about his son.  As sad as this story is, I cannot tell you how often I have seen this happen.

So we don't take care of our elderly like we used to.  Parents are not exempt from this paradigm.  Too many parents do not want to take care of their children.  Fathers leave and don't pay support, Mothers walk away, and too many parents neglect their children.  Technology has become our best babysitter, and all too often an excuse not to provide children the attention they desperately need.

Since we are not accountable for our financial choices or expected to care for family, why would we accept responsibility in public matters?  Ask any CEO of any major corporation or an injury attorney, and you will be regaled with stories of frivolous law suits.  If you are walking through a store and slip, should you sue for thousands or millions of dollars?  How about acknowledging that you slipped and move on?  Spill hot coffee on you?  How about instead of suing the fast food chain, you use some common sense and not put a cup of hot coffee between your legs while you drive?

When frivolous law suits are filed, it takes away from legitimate suits.  These suits take resources from people who have truly been harmed by negligent corporate practices.  Make no mistake, I am not saying that no one should ever sue a company-there are true cases of corporations hurting people and they should be taken to court.  However, when it is your carelessness, or lack of common sense that causes you harm-the responsible party is you!  We, as a society, should not have to protect you from yourself.

It's time that we begin to advocate personal responsibility again.  We have become a society where is more desirable to sit home and get a check from the government than it is to work hard.  This is crazy to me.  When people work hard, live within their means, and take care of one another, there is a degree of pride that you cannot get from being lazy and selfish.  We need to encourage each other to do better-this is not ok.

Do We Need Church to Worship Correctly?

I was once asked this question by a loved one, "If I believe in God and Jesus and all that, why do I need to be in church?  Does God really care if I sit in church once a week?".  I realized at once the land mine zone I was just tossed into.

On the one hand, if I had told this person that he needed to be in church, there is a good chance he would lose his new found faith.  On the other hand, church is an important part of worship for a variety of reasons.  Fortunately, we had enough time and a strong enough relationship to have a lengthy discussion about the pros and cons to going to church.  Today, I'm going to summarize some of these for you, in case you are ever faced with a similar question.

Con:  Church is full of hypocrites who only sit and judge you

This is true.  We are all hypocrites, every one of us.  If we weren't, we would not have required a Savior to come and rescue us from ourselves.  The truth is that we all care what others think about us, so many times we say one thing, but act differently.  Church is no exception.

In addition to being hypocrites, we are all judgmental and harsh with one another.  Don't believe me?  Think about the last time you were in a large group of people-did anyone annoy you, frustrate you or confuse you with their actions?  Guess what, you just judged them-we all do it.  It's true that scripture tells us to look inward before judging others (Matthew 7:3), and we should; but the truth is that we are sinful creatures and we all have periods being judgmental.

Going to church doesn't say that you are not a hypocrite or judgmental.  What it says about you is that you recognize that you are a hypocrite and judgmental and you know you cannot correct these sins alone, that you need help.  You recognize that you are not perfect and require teaching, support and encouragement to get better.  You acknowledge that you need the forgiveness that only Christ can give.

Pro: Worshipping is a group activity

Matthew 18:20 says "Where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them".  This is the epitome of why attending church is so important.  Recognizing and acknowledging our sins can be very humbling.  When we sit and think about how far from perfect we are, it can motivate us to do better, or it can make us feel hopeless.  We sometimes feel like nobody can understand what we are going through or how we are feeling.

Attending church gives us a support system.  There is something very communal about sitting with other like minded individuals, praising God and offering worship.  When we attend church regularly, we become part of a community-I recognize many people who attend my regular service, even if I have never spoken to them.  When I see them in my town, I recognize them as part of my church community.  We also make friends at church-people we know love us and hold the same values we have.  That is a built in accountability partner!

Con: Services take so long

Ok, really?  Church services average about an hour a week.  That's it!  If you cannot make one hour a week in your schedule, then you need to review your schedule-you are much to busy.

Pro: Services take only an hour

See what I did there?  Being in church and receiving the benefits of attending regular services only takes one hour of your entire week.  That is less time than it takes to read the morning paper, workout or watch two tv sitcoms.  Most of us come home and sit on our bottoms to watch three hours of football.  The time it takes to sit through service is worth the effort, given all that we get from it.

Con: The church only wants my money

This one can be a little sticky to address, especially with a nonbeliever.  Part of the statement may come from a persons own conviction about how important their finances are to them, or concern that they don't have enough to give to church.  On the other hand, some churches speak so much about giving that it can seem like that's all the church is interested in.

The truth is, running a church does take funds, a lot of funds.  Not only is there the costs of maintaining a building, the utilities, property management and salaries, but there is also the cost of the programs that so many people have come to associate with the church.  Outreach ministries, prison ministries, Bible studies, youth gouts, mission trips, assistance with food, money and clothes for the needy, support to families in crisis and so on.  It all takes a huge effort from volunteers and money.

Pro:  The church is there for support when we need them

As mentioned above-the church is there to offer support (tangible and intangible) when there is need.  Most churches have outreach programs, that reach out the needy.  These programs do important work in reaching the homeless, the needy and those who have been victims of natural disasters.  Churches also offer support like meals brought to a members home after a funeral or medical crisis, they often provide short term financial support to members for bills, tuition or food.

Churches of nearly every faith, look to take care of the people in their communities.  It is reassuring and comforting to have your church community surround you when you need it.


Closing thoughts:

It is clear that being a member of a church community and regularly participating in services, Bible studies and ministries offer benefits that are necessary in this life.  That being said, not everyone is ready to hear that.  Many new believers, or believers who have been hurt by their faith want to believe that they can worship God anywhere.

Worshipping in a church building may not be a criteria that God uses to judge us, but it is essential for us to continue to grow and develop our relationship with him.  Attending church is for our benefit, not Gods.  We are not gracing God with our appearance in a building once a week; He is gracing us with the ability to come together and worship at his feet weekly, daily or as often as we choose to gather.

Discussing this topic can be sensitive because people will feel judged if they are not regularly attending service, but it also necessary.  Church services are a time for all of us to reconnect to Gods word, and disconnect from the secular world, if only for an hour.  Every believer deserves the benefits of regular church attendance, and we do our brothers and sisters a disservice if we don't discuss the issue honestly.

"The Little Drummer Boy" Inspires- It's More than Just A Song

As hard as it may be to believe, I have three separate conversations about the song, "The Little Drummer Boy" today.  I am taking this to mean, that I am being lead to write about my thoughts on this beloved Christmas carol, so hear it goes.

"The Little Drummer Boy" was written in 1941 by Katherine K. Davis.  Although there is some debate over whether she had other collaborators or how she was inspired to write the song, there is no debate that it is a classical Christmas carol.  For more information on the debate surrounding the composing of the piece, please refer to History? Because it's Here Website .

I have always loved Christmas carols of all sorts.  Some are funny or cute, and some are deeply moving and beloved.  "The Little Drummer Boy" is one that meets both standards.  It is fun to sing, which is why so many children love it, and when you stop to consider the lyrics, it is truly a beautifully written song.

The premise of the song is that a little boy, who is apparently not well off, goes to see the newborn King.  Everyone is bringing gifts, but he realizes he doesn't have a gift that's "fit to give a king", so he offers to play his drum.  With Mary's consent, the boy plays his very best for the baby king-who is delighted by the playing.

Katherine K Davis, never stated what she believed the deeper meaning of the song to be, often stating it just wrote itself, but I have thought of the message of these lyrics often as I was growing up.  The drummer boy was poor, he had nothing that the world would feel was fit to offer a king.  He looked deep inside him and realized that he had a gift he could share.

I think too often, we get caught up in what others think of us, what others have to offer or what others have, period.  We forget that we are all given special, unique gifts by God.  We are called in scripture to use our gifts to the best of our ability.  We are called to use our gifts to serve others, to serve God and to promote his will.  Look at the following verses for example:

• Romans 12:6-9a "We have different gifts according to the grace given to each of us.  If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith.  If it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. Love must be sincere"
• 1Peter 4:10  "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of Gods grace in its various forms."
• 1Corinthians 4:2 "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful"

See?  God entrusts each of us with special gifts-multiple gifts that he compiled to create a very specific individual person.  There never has been, nor will there ever be, another person with your exact gifts and talents in the proportions you have them.  Isn't that an incredible thought?  So your responsibility, as well as mine, is to use our gifts to the very best of our abilities and to use them to do good. 

That is exactly what the little drummer boy did-he played his best for baby Jesus!  For the little drummer boy to use his gift, and play his very best for the king, meant more to Jesus than any gift brought by other visitors.  He searches our hearts, and it is what is in our hearts, why we give what we do that matters to him.  Remember the story of the poor woman who gave the last of her money to the church when Jesus came to town?  Not really, you say?  Go back and re-read the gospel of  Mark 12:41-44.  Jesus notes that while she gave less than others, she really gave more because she gave what she had, while others gave out of wealth.

This song has caused me to reflect on whether I use my gifts to the best of my ability for years.  If I am honest, I have to admit, that too often, I don't.  For example, I have had a passion for writing since I was a child.  Since grade school, I have wanted to write a book, but I never have.  In fact, until I started this blog, I did very little to use the gift of writing that I was blessed with.

"The Little Drummer Boy" has been sung and redone many times since 1941, but this year, an A Cappella group called Pentatonix has put together a rendition that is taking over the viral world, and it's easy to see why.  The group sings with passion and the lyrics simple, but beautiful message is highlighted by the A Cappella singing.  Give it a listen, then think about whether you have played your best for Christ this season.

Christmas is Coming- Are you Ready?

With Thanksgiving over and behind us, it is now time to begin the frantic focus on Christmas.  One look at the madness that consumers become filled with on Black Friday, and it is easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas.  People fighting, pushing, shoving, yelling at one another, all to get that perfect little memento, that will most likely be put away and forgotten about in a few short months-it doesn't really make sense when you think about it.

Christmas is the holiday we celebrate the birth of Christ.  While there are all kinds of debates on the actual birthday of Jesus, we know that December 25 was selected by Christians around 400CE.  Prior to that time, there was much debate on the actual birthday of Jesus(much like today in scholarly circles), and a host of arguments over when to celebrate the day of his birth.  Nonetheless, we do celebrate Christmas on December 25 today-although many of us have forgotten why we celebrate Christmas and what it was intended to remind us of.

Christians celebrate Christmas for one very special reason-it is a day to celebrate and honor the birth of Jesus, who became man, left heavenly realms to walk this Earth perfectly and pay the price for our sins.  He came to save each one of us and that warrants celebration!  We are called to remember that this son of God-fully God, part of the one true triune God-became also fully human for us.  He was born to a woman.

Jesus suffered all the same things that every human suffers; from the trauma of birth, to temptations, to betrayal by loved ones, anger, frustration, grief, and physical torture of his death.  He felt happiness, joy and contentment.  Jesus experienced life as we do, with two very notable differences; he did it perfectly, without sin, and he had a continual relationship with God that defined him.  We all to often forget our relationship with God, especially when we are busy trying to make the house perfect, find the perfect gift, or putting the finishing touches on the holiday preparations.

I wonder during all the chaos and frenzy on black Friday (which actually started on Thanksgiving Thursday), how many people were in prayer to God.  I don't mean "God please let me get that toy before they sell the last one", I mean true communication with God.  How many of those shoppers, crazed by the need to get the perfect trinket, stopped to help someone else?  How many people reacted with patience and were filled with joy and happiness as they shopped, even when the gift they wanted was sold out? My guess is that there were a few, but not many.

I find it ironic that after so many people have spent the past 30 days giving thanks for all they have, and even sitting down as a family to eat a feast and be thankful for all the blessings in their life, they are willing to mow down another person or get into a fight, for the next innovation, the next best gift!  Just a few short hours ago, they were sitting around a table, saying a prayer of thanks, talking about how blessed they are!  How quickly we can forget how blessed we are.

So, is it wrong to purchase gifts for others at Christmas?  There is some debate on whether Christians should celebrate Christmas at all, but most of the debate stems from the commercialism of Christmas and the fact that many of our beloved traditions originated with Pagan traditions.  I don't see this as a huge problem, but it is one that Christians need to be aware of.  We are called to "Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name, make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted" (Isaiah12:4).  Pagan traditions were incorporated to entice Pagans, make them more comfortable to explore Christianity-in a sense, Christians of old, met their counterparts where they were.

We should celebrate the birth of Jesus, but we must remember just that; we are celebrating the birth of Jesus.  We are not celebrating our parents, our sons and daughters, our family and friends.  We celebrate with them, not them.  A gift is just a material trinket, nothing more.

Christmas is not just about the gifts though.  When the average person thinks of Christmas and the preparations that go into it, they think of the tree, the gifts, the meal, friends and family and for some, church services.  Not to mention all the treats-cookies, candy canes, cakes, breads, chocolates, and so on fly off the shelves and out of the ovens of millions of people this season.  I am guilty of it all too.  I love Christmas-always have, with the notable exception of a period of about 6 years which I avoided the holiday like it was infected with a plague!  Someday, I may share why this was, but for today, it is not important.

What is important is that I do partake of Christmas like everyone else.  I love Christmas music, baking, making the house look like the Northwoods crept in and took over.  I love it all!  It's not wrong to celebrate Christmas, we need to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  We also need to keep in mind, at all times what the meaning of Christmas is.  We should be patient and loving towards others.

We are called by Christ to take care of one another.  Matthew tells us that when Jesus comes back in all his glory he will say "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me…Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:35-36, 40).  During this time of excess and giving to our loved ones, we must not forget the ones who are in need.

There are millions of people all around the world who need food, shelter, protection, safety.  They are homeless, persecuted, mentally or physically ill, scared, lonely, and forgotten.  I have seen people walk past a homeless person as if they were not there, and it broke my heart.  As many of us celebrate, laugh and shop, we need to remember to help those who need it.  It's important that we reach out to others, remembering that while we may not personally understand what they are going through, we are called to love and help.  We can, and should, donate our time, treasure and talents to make the celebration of Christs birth something that everyone can be joyous about.

If we took time to reach out in love to others who need it, how much would it change the world?  One kind gesture can make all the difference to one person, one family.  Multiply that by the number of wide eyed and crazed consumers out on Black Friday-now we are spreading the message of Christ.  He came to save us all.  Each one of us, not just those of us who can put on a pretty face and fancy clothes.

What will you do this holiday season to make a difference to someone?  How can you share the true meaning of Christs birth with others?  I guarantee, if you reach out to those less fortunate (wherever they are), you will feel the reward in your heart.

When we reach out and take care of others, we have the opportunity to teach our children a valuable life lesson.  Our children will learn just how blessed they are in daily life, even if they don't have every gadget that the other kids at school have.  They will learn how to feel empathy and compassion, how to care for others, and occasionally put others before themselves.  They will learn that true joy comes from doing for others, not having others do for you.  Perhaps most importantly, they will learn that those many of society consider "untouchable" or as less than human, are actually people with the same feelings as them.

We have the opportunity to teach our children how to do simple small things that make a difference in the world. If our attitudes change, suddenly so do our thoughts, behaviors and actions.  We can give our children the skills to change the world- and we should.

What's Up with all the Stores Open on Thanksgiving?

A few days ago, I was asked how I felt about the influx of stores opening on Thanksgiving for Christmas shoppers.  To be honest, I wasn't sure; I can come down on either side of this argument.

First of all, lets look at it from the business owners perspective.  This country was built on the concept of freedom, and that includes free enterprise.  If an owner to a business sees a way to gain a competitive edge (or not lose an edge), then most of us would say let them do it, with the caveat that it does not cause harm to anyone.  We would be right.  Customers benefit from business trying to gain this edge all the time-huge sales, coupons, lower prices, and all sorts of gimmicks draw us into business of different types all the time.

In that vain, if a business wants to be open on Thanksgiving because he or she feels that the business can benefit, then maybe it's fine and we all need to stop being so harsh.  When I was little, it was rare for businesses to be open on Sundays, nowadays, society gets all up in arms if they find a business closed on Sundays.  Somewhere along the way, some business owner thought to himself, "I bet I could get a few more people in here if I opened on Sundays"-it worked and others followed suit. Now a majority of businesses are open on Sundays, and I don't see any riots or Facebook polls about that.

I can hear someone out there yelling at the computer screen "But what about all the workers who are expected to work and miss time with family?!?!"  That is true, some employees will be asked to give up time with their families to work.  However, I think we forget that there are plenty of jobs/industries that remain open every holiday (hospitals, nursing homes, rehab facilities, police, fire, security guards, alarm companies, etc) all have staff that are expected to work on every holiday.

I have been in healthcare for many years, and while I was seldom expected to work on a holiday, I have had many co-workers who have.  To be honest, many of them volunteered to work for a variety of reasons.  Some celebrate the holiday on a different day (maybe over the weekend), some want and need the additional pay, some don't have plans and would prefer to work.  Whatever the reason, it is seldom hard to get the positions filled.  Given todays economy, it is more than possible that retail stores would find the exact same thing, many employees would offer to work for the higher pay grade, or the extra paycheck.

Does that mean that I naively think that every employee would be there willingly?  Of course not.  That does mean that I believe a large portion of workers would want to be there-also, I think that most employees are adults (not all, but most).  We need to realize, as adults, that there are times we are asked to work when we do not want to.  A few years ago, I was working at a nursing home when the State board came in.  I was scheduled to go on a family vacation that night, with my in laws and husband.  Typically, when the state comes into a nursing home to do annual reviews, management staff are expected to stay-know what happened? I missed the trip.

I was not happy about it, in fact, as I told my husband in my office that I would need to return to work the next day and he would have to go on the vacation without me, I was tearful and frustrated.  Still, I got up the next day, arrived at work, and put in a full day with a smile on.  Many of my friends and co-workers through the years have had to miss family events, or time with family to come to work.  If a single mom misses her daughters debut as the lead role in the school play, no one says anything, we expect her to come to work and work because that is what responsible adults do.

 I have never worked a job that expected me to work on Sundays, that was always my boundary.  Sundays were my time with my family.  The three of us would spend the entire day together.  When I applied for jobs, I was very clear that I am not available for work on Sundays; I'm sure I lost some jobs over this issue.  Employees can choose to not work for companies that are open on holidays.  This may all seem a bit idealistic, but if you think about it it's true.  We all have choices to make and we need to be responsible for the choices that we have made.

That is only one side of the coin-the other side of the coin is the value of setting aside special days for family and honoring those days.  As of today, we do not expect businesses to be open on Christmas, Easter Sunday, Fourth of July and a few other significant days a year.  There are few bosses who would expect an employee to work on his/her wedding day (although I have heard of a few), and even fewer who would expect an employee to come to work after the funeral of a loved one.  We tend to ask employees to work an average of 5 days a week, keeping two days a week for the individual and family.

Time with family and friends is important to me, as any reader of this blog knows.  I think there is great value in keeping traditions, and holidays like Thanksgiving are prime platforms for family traditions.  To be able to get together and celebrate all that we have and all that we are grateful for, is wonderful.

We teach our children the value of each generation when they see us excited to see grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  We learn to value the gift of family when we go through the hassle and fuss of doing a huge get together.  We create memories that last a lifetime and what a gift that is.  Our memories of good times together is what binds us as loved ones, gives us hope when times are tough and brings our hearts close together.

So, I guess my opinion on more retailers being open on Thanksgiving is two fold.  I would not personally work the holiday, as I love getting together with family, and we do schedule our meal on Thanksgiving.  I however would not begrudge another person who wants to work on Thanksgiving.  More important to me is how we treat those working on that day.  While you are out shopping, and saving a bundle, be kind to the employees you encounter.  Remember, if they did not show up to work, you would not be there buying your little treasures and saving a whole lot of money at the same time.  In the end, that's the bigger lesson isn't it?  That we need to love one another.

Thanksgiving is Near- Here is What I Want to Give Thanks For

With the holiday of Thanksgiving fast approaching, I find myself thinking more often about the gifts I have been blessed with and how grateful I am.  Don't get me wrong, I give a prayer of thanks nearly every day, but with this holiday approaching and Christmas not far behind, I find that I think about my blessings a little more than usual.

I'm not sure that this a good thing.  I mean, lets be real, a lot of us are annoyed by the influx of people stating how grateful they are as the secular holiday of thanks and feasting nears.  I know that I find myself thinking that perhaps if we were all this grateful year round, the world wouldn't be in such a state.  If we were as grateful in July for our families, friends, and jobs as we are in November and December, perhaps we wouldn't be so quick to take them for granted.

Think of the child who lies to serve his own purpose, the friends who talk behind others backs, the co-workers who steal credit for work they did not do.  Think of how quickly we forget what a blessing our families and friends are or how blessed we are to have a job in the economy.  We seem less likely to overlook minor inconveniences or slights than in years past.  Maybe it's the whole culture becoming more self centered and less socially focused, maybe it's the new ability to quickly go online and have our rants and raves justified and supported-right or wrong.

My Parents:
Still, I am grateful for many things.  I am always grateful for my family.  I believe that God chooses the people in our families for a reason.  We are all different, and we all bring something to our families-whether we realize it or not.  My parents were the ones who taught me to love with all my heart-they gave me a passion to be a wife and mother, that still rings true in my life.  My dreams are not huge, I want to be a good wife and mother.  This value was instilled in me by my mother, who took great pride in caring for others.

My uncle, who took care of my mother and myself my entire life, showed me the importance of hard work and dedication.  Not giving up when things are tough, is just one thing I learned from Fred.  Fred literally came into our lives when I less than 6months old, and he stayed to take care of us.  Things weren't always perfect; our family had some serious issues and problems when I was younger.  Still, no matter how bad things got, we worked through them all.  To me, that is still an essential part of family- you love, you fight, then you talk it over, hug and move on.  You don't give up and walk out just because you don't see eye to eye!

My Husband:
My husband is a gift to me.  We are both stubborn, passionate people.  This often means that our marriage is more like a roller coaster-there are many ups and downs.  That being said, I love him with all my heart, and I literally thank God every day for him (even when we are in our worst fights).  We have been together since we were teenagers, and we grew up together.  If I were to be completely truthful, I would have to say that he holds the power to make me happier than any other person in the world; of course, that means he can also hurt me more than anyone.  That's true of all the ones we love though isn't it?  They know our hearts and this gives them a lot of power over our hearts.

My husband is a great man who sometimes struggles to see what I need, but he never stops trying to make me happy.  He works hard, is highly respected and has so much integrity.  I remember when we were first dating, I was so awed by his level of integrity and how moved he was to do the right thing.  It inspired me to start pushing myself to be a better person.  I want to be a wife he is proud of because I am certainly proud of him.  He is intelligent and kind.  He has the ability to talk to anyone about anything, and I love that about him. He also keeps me focused on whats really important in life.

My Son:
My son has taught me to never stop reaching for my goals.  He is passionate and articulate; he is truly the best of me and my husband.  Our son is intelligent in ways I can't even imagine-he definitely has his  fathers mathematical sense!  He has always seen the world in his own way, and was never one to be swayed by peers.  Even when he was in high school, he stood on his own beliefs and never cared much what others thought.  Since I have always cared a great deal of what others thought, I always admired this about him.

He was always so on fire for Christ, that it made my heart burn with pride.  I loved watching him grow into a fine young man after Christs heart.  I knew from the time he was little that he would grow up to do great things- and he is!  He is the apple of my eye, and I am sure that I could not have asked for a better son if I tried!  I thank God for him daily and pray that he always knows the love his parents have for him.

My family:
My extended family helped me develop a love for family.  I loved growing up close to aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I always wanted a large family to replicate this experience that I had growing up.  I miss those days more than they can ever know ( we no longer speak due to a falling out in the family).

My in-laws are so dedicated to each other.  They love each other deeply and are genuinely happy for one another.  They all take great pride in the family history, and I have learned what a blessing it is to know your roots and where you came from.  Traditions are not a huge part of my in-laws holidays, but one thing that always happens is that family dinners are full of stories from the past.   I love that and am so grateful for the lesson!

My Friends:
Ok, so this one may seem like a generic one, but stay with me.  I have a few close friends who have shaped me into the woman I am today.  These friends are incredible people who have guided me, supported me and held me accountable; and they did it all from a place of love and kindness.

I think if anyone has even one friend they can call in the middle of the night, when their world is falling down around them, they are blessed.  I have several friends I could call, and I value each one of them.  It is through my friendships that I learned to finally ask for help, that I learned that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.  I consider myself gifted to have friends who I can laugh and cry with, and even one or two who are totally comfortable just sitting with me when words won't come.

My Health:
Anyone who knows me, may be surprised by this, as I have several health issues.  However, every ache and pain, reminds me that I have the ability to feel aches and pains.  When I move stiffly, I am grateful that I have the ability to get up and move.  I often suffer from headaches, but they remind me that I have the financial means to purchase pain relievers, take time off work and buy nutritious food to nourish the body.

I think our bodies are a gift, and even in our times of ill health, we can learn to be grateful and find the blessings!  We can all be thankful that we live in a country with wonderful health care, and doctors and nurses who not only care, but have the ability to heal our aches and pains.  Knowledge and medicine are not available in every country, but we are able to call a doctor or go to a hospital, be given some tests, medications and often sent home in a brief time.  We don't have to fight basic infections, or go without medications simply because they can't be delivered to the hospital.  Many countries fight harsh conditions just to get basic medical care!

Other items:

My puppies, Jesse and Murphy

My goodness, where do I begin?  I am thankful for the music that touches my soul daily, for my dogs that are able to make me laugh on my saddest days, for my home (which I love), for the change of seasons to remind us of Gods hand.  I am thankful for the ability to see Gods hand in my life daily, for His forgiveness and mercy, which I need daily.  I am grateful for my passion of writing, and my ability to love those in my life.

Everywhere I look, I see the beauty and creativity of God.  From the Great lakes to a high mountaintop, his glory is evident in every place!  Don't believe me?  Take a moment to think about the vast diversity on earth- plant, human and animal life and everything in between!  There is absolutely no way there can be so much diversity by accident!  Nature is powerful, but only because it is controlled by God.

I give thanks regularly that I live in a country where I can worship openly and publicly.  I have freedoms that many others in this world do not have, and I don't ever want to take them for granted.  even writing this blog is a freedom that many do not have!

Everyday that I get up, I realize that I am wonderfully and fearfully made in Gods image, and that all i need to do is call on him, and all my prayers will be answered!

I'm especially thankful for challenges which push me to be better, to rely on God more and on myself less, and to see just what I can overcome.  I am grateful that I am blessed in more ways than I can count-there is just so much to be thankful for.  I am astounded when I hear people who say that they need to be reminded of their blessings by a holiday!  If we all focused more on our blessings in our daily lives, maybe we would all be a little happier.  After all, it's really hard to be negative when your focused on the positive items in life.

Forgiveness- A Gift to Ourselves

Forgiveness-it's a big word, isn't it?  When we have been hurt by another person, the Bible tells us to forgive them.  The word is very clear-we are to offer forgiveness to anyone who offends us, but that can be hard for us.

When someone has offended our sensibilities, hurt us more than we thought possible or betrayed us, forgiveness does not always come so easily.  We think if God understood how badly we have been hurt, he would not want us to forgive; plus we have the right to experience righteous anger right?

Of course there is righteous anger.  Let's be clear on this point though, righteous anger is being angry over sin that offends God.  We are permitted to be angry over things like murder, pornography, abuse of any kind, and human trafficking.  However, in our anger, we are not to sin against another.  It is not ok to use Gods name in vain, be abusive or hurtful to another person or do anything that would offend God using our "righteous anger" as justification.

That being said, most of us hold grudges or refuse to forgive those who are closest to us for violations that would seem minor to others.  We get upset with a friend for a misspoken word or a deed left undone.  We get upset with our spouse for not knowing how to comfort us and meet us where we are at or for not helping with chores.  We refuse to forgive a co-worker who took credit for our work or gossiped about us behind our backs.  Sometimes, the hurts are bigger; an unfaithful spouse, a friend who has turned their backs on us in our time of need, or loved ones who steal from us.

We are still called to forgive.  Imagine how Jesus felt.  He lived the perfect life that we never could- he never sinned against man or God.  In the end, he was betrayed by one of his own.  When he was in the garden of Gethsamane, Matthew tells us that Jesus' soul was heavy with trouble and sadness, he asked his closest friends to pray with him.  Know what they did?  They fell asleep! (Matt 26:36-46) and not once, but twice!  Think about this, Jesus, the Messiah, asks you to sit with him and pray because he was so overwhelmed with emotion, would you fall asleep?  I don't think I would, but his friends did.

Then he was turned over to the soldiers by Judas, one of his inner circle.  Jesus did not get angry, he did not sin in his response, in fact he corrected one of his followers when they drew a sword to protect him!  When he was beaten, tortured and nailed to a cross for our sin, he still acted in love.  He offered forgiveness on the cross to the sinner next to him who asked for it. Did you catch that?

Here's Jesus, mistreated, abused, about to be put to death by the people he came to save, and yet, in his misery, he is able to offer forgiveness to another.  He even prayed for those who hurt him!  As he is nearing his death, he calls out to his father "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).  I don't know about you, but when I am hurt by someone, I am not that quick to pray for their forgiveness.

We are called to forgive others though.  We are sinful creatures, that means that we sin regularly, and unfortunately we will be sinned against.  When we are sinned against, it is important to turn the other cheek (Luke 6:29), and to forgive one another (Eph 4:32, Col 3:13).  Jesus tells us to look inward before we judge to harshly the motives of others (Matt 7:5), this can be hard, but is essential to forgiveness.

We must remember that we do not know another persons heart-only God knows what is in our hearts, our truest intentions, our motives.  We can lie to one another, even to ourselves, but we cannot lie to God-he knows that truth about us.  Our experiences, our history, our perceptions often lead to us reacting in a certain way, or treating others in a hurtful manner-though it's not our intention to hurt one another.

How many times have you offered what you believed was a kind and supportive word, only to find out later that your words caused hurt and pain, or frustration?  I know I do that more often that I care to admit.  A prime example of this is a conversation I recently had with my son.  He lives across the country as a graduate student, and it has been almost a year since we have seen him.  He and I were talking about Christmas and whether he could come home or not.  He offered a few reasons why he may need to stay in Seattle (needing to work on thesis, money, time, etc).  Being a mom who missed her son, and felt that he would benefit from the connection of family, I offered solutions to each reason- he could work on his paper here, his dad and I would help with the cost of a ticket, and he needed some rest.  Long story short, he is coming home (and I could not be more excited), but he felt frustrated by my responses.   We talked and have moved on, but I never intended to frustrate him or make him feel like he was not being heard-sometimes our intentions and outcomes do not align.

Forgiveness is essential to finding peace and
learning to love one another

Forgiveness is important.  It not only overlooks little offenses, but it offers us peace and contentment.  To hold onto anger, frustration, grief-it eats us up from the inside.  Holding negative feelings in, creates physical problems such as cardiac disease, ulcers, strokes, and so on.  No health issue comes from having a sense of peace and contentment!

When we let go of the anger, we are free to deal with others in love, as Jesus calls us to.  We are free to be happy and to grow.  We are able to find joy in our lives and see the best in others-how can that be a bad thing?

Forgiveness is a choice-it is not a feeling.  We can't wait until we feel like forgiving, for the just to heal itself-we have to make a conscious choice to forgive, to let it go and let God deal with the other persons offenses.  We need to know that God is just and perfect in his judgement.  We have to make a conscious decision to move on and to mend our hearts.  This can be extremely difficult, but the reward is so worth it!

"yes, that's all great" you are saying, "but how do I choose to let it go and move on?".  Good question! To begin with, you need to remember that you have sinned and have hurt others too, sometimes deliberately, sometimes inadvertently.  You have been the beneficiary of forgiveness in the past, remember those times, how relieved and grateful you felt when you were forgiven.  We have to pray to God to show us how to let go of the anger and forgive.

Forgiveness is a matter of what in our hearts, it's an attitude.  We cannot be a forgiving person if we are in Gods word daily, or if we do not have a growing relationship with Christ.  We need to stop listening to the secular world which tells us that we are right to be angry over every offense and that we are expected to be assertive enough to not let others take advantage of us.  We have to return to our call to be servants of one another, to forgive and to love one another.

The peace that comes from forgiving others is all consuming.  Other people can see the inner peace in us when we have a forgiving heart.  I have a few friends who embrace forgiveness-one, in particular, is great at holding others accountable but doing so in love.  I have never heard him raise his voice, in almost 15 years of friendship-his family says he never does.  He is quick to forgive, and is very much at peace with whatever is happening in the moment.

 When I was younger, I held on to every offense, thinking that it was a sign of weakness to "let them get away with that".  I have since learned that once I was able to forgive others, for big and small offenses, I had the joy of living life to the fullest.  I was free to move on and focus on what was truly important.   I now focus on moving past, letting go and keeping my eyes on the end results.  I try to remember that I need forgiveness from others more often than I care to, and that daily, I need forgiveness from God.

One final thought, remember that the Bible tells us to offer forgiveness, but a Biblical model of forgiveness requires that there be repentance.  The Bible is full of stories of God not offering forgiveness to stiff necked or hard hearted people.  Mark 1:15, Luke 13:3,5 and Acts 3:19 all point to the importance of repentance.  The offender needs to recognize that they have done something hurtful or wrong, and they need to be sorry, and repent.  This can take on many different views or appearances, but it essential that it happens.

Entire books have been written on the subject of forgiveness.  I understand that this is not an exhaustive study by any means, but it's a beginning.

Praying for Loved Ones

One of the best things we can do for those we love is pray for them-not a casual, fleeting thought of them during our prayers, but fervent, diligently pray for them.  Over the years, I have come to learn and believe in the power of prayer, although, I have not always been willing to share my experiences for fear of what my "friends" or family would think of me.

However, as I have grown closer to Christ, one of the things I have come to see is the power of personal testimony.  I pray for my friends and family daily- I even keep a prayer journal to help me remember specific requests that have been made to me.  I try to follow up on a regular basis as often as possible, and when I can I tack the results of the prayers.  This follow up is more for me-when I struggle, it is comforting to me to go back and see the numerous answers to prayers that I have forgotten I ever prayed.

To pray for our loved ones is to really love them.  It is seeking out the best for them, with or without their knowledge.  I have had people pray for me in times of need, and I can tell you from experience, that I was comforted by the knowledge that others were calling out to God for me.  It's like having a friend call in the calvary when someone is picking on you.

That being said, I have had a several people ask me how to pray for others.  There is, of course, the traditional, fleeting prayer that we often hear children utter; the classic"God bless so and so".  This is fine, God knows what blessings we all need and is quick to respond and provide for us, but there are other ways to pray for our loved ones.

Specific Requests:
I have often prayed for specific requests, when friends or family have asked me to.  For someone to ask another person to pray for them, is a call for help.  It is an extremely vulnerable position to tell others that we need help, even more so to be clear and specific in what we are struggling with.  To tell someone we love and respect that we need help with our health, our mental struggles, our physical or spiritual struggles creates in us an openness to be hurt, ridiculed or rejected.  When we are asked to offer prayer, we need to remember that the other person is open to us and our reactions can reverberate more than we realize.

When praying for specific requests, it is important to be clear, concise and gentle.  Remembering that it is an honor when our loved ones ask us to pray for them.  Also, when possible, pray in the moment with the person.  People ask for prayer when they are most in need.  When we take a moment, and offer a prayer in the moment, we model our faith, we show the other person that their heart is important to us, and we prove to them that we take the request seriously.

Unrequested Prayers:
Sometimes, we see a need that others may not be ready to see.  Perhaps a loved one has walked away from the faith, they are living a secular life, but they cannot see how far they have walked from Christ, or someone is dealing with an addiction that they don't recognize, or maybe they have trouble coping with emotions (depression, anxiety, anger, etc).  It is when we offer prayers for loved ones, that we perhaps offer the greatest gift.

To pray for someones heart, soul and life- and to do so quietly- is such a gift.  It means that we are not using God or prayer as a way to manipulate or guilt others into doing what we want, but that we genuinely are concerned for them.  I personally have prayed several times for family who have walked away from the faith.  When my son was a teenager, I prayed often that if he was doing something that was ungodly and potentially harmful, that he would be discovered and have to deal with the consequences.  The purpose was not to have my son live as I wanted him to, but rather to have him be guided towards a safe and godly life.

Don't misunderstand this point- if you pray for someones unrequested needs, and you tell them that you are doing this, you risk doing great harm to that persons faith and personal journey with Christ.

Tips for Praying for others:

1. When praying for others, remember the vulnerability of the person, and treat requests with respect and honor.  
2. If someone asks you to pray for them, offer to pray in the moment-not just "I'll keep you in my prayers".
3. Praying for others is a gift, we can request what we want, but in the end, we must remember that God does for us what is best.  We need to seek His will and be honoring of his answers.
4. Keeping a prayer journal can be a powerful reminder of Gods grace and creativity in His answers.

We should all pray for each other how can I pray for each of you today?

Disposable People?

In todays society with over 50% divorce rate, and the apparent increase in violent crime- it seems as though we have forgotten what a gift life is.  We have made each other disposable- when things get tough or go awry, our first choice is all to often to walk away from each other.  Where does this come from?

I believe we have always done this- to a point- but in todays age it takes on a whole new level.  With technology changing so quickly, we are programmed to upgrade, and replace pieces of equipment when they fail.  Get the newest phone or be out of date- our worth is determined by the price of the car we drive, the phone we carry and how many "friends" we have on social networking.  It can be overwhelming and so easy to fall prey to.

Cars, phones, and other material possessions are just that- possessions, things to be owned.  We are not meant to be owned by them.  Nor are we meant to judge another persons worthiness or credibility based on what their wallet has permitted them to purchase.  It's all smoke and mirrors, isn't it?

Let me share a story that may exemplify this point.  When I was just starting college, my uncle, who was a roofer, wanted to buy a new truck.  He had saved his money for years to purchase a new truck, and went to the show room one day after work.  No cell phone, wearing tar covered, torn jeans, and driving an old rusty truck- he walked into the dealership.  To his amazement, 5 sales people walked right past him- one even dismissing him when he asked for help!

Then, as Fred was getting ready to leave the dealership, a young man walked up to him and asked if he could help Fred.  It was obvious the young man was new to selling cars- Fred stated that he looked to be about the age of 19 or 20- he was nervous, but genuine.  Fred pointed to the truck that he had selected and stated "I'll take that one".  The young man began to ask about what price Fred wanted to pay (let the negotiations begin!), but Fred stated, that he would pay the sticker price.  He asked if they would take a check, and when the young man said yes, Fred wrote him a check on the spot.

This made the young mans day to be sure!  No financing, no negotiating, no hassles.  All he had to do was look past the lack of fancy gadgets, and fine clothes- he looked at Fred as a man, as worthy of good service as any other man.  The other sales people should have learned too.  Five others walked past him because he didn't look like someone who could afford a new truck.  What a shame.

How often do we do the exact same thing?  We look at someone with the newest toys and think they must have it all together for some reason.  That phone was state of the art a few months ago, is now old and seems to be no good anymore.  We treat people the same way.

Wife gets you really mad? Divorce her.  Friends not supportive enough?  Toss them out of your life and walk away.  Job getting tough?  Quit and find a better one.  We treat each other like the newest gadgets- as long as they serve us, we want them; but as soon as they cross us or cannot benefit us in the moment, we want to toss them out with the trash and find the next best thing.

The important thing here is that we are people, not things.  We were created for relationship- and that relationship is to be with God and with each other.  We often forget what a miracle and wondrous gift life is- what a gift our relationships are.  Family, those chosen by God to be in relationship with us, and friends, those lead to us by God, but chosen by us to be in our lives, are essential to our self esteem, our self worth and our well being.  Research has shown for decades that humans require contact, physical, and social.  Take away true meaningful connection, and the human brain begins to suffer irreparable harm.

We need to problem solve, to work through our differences whenever possible.  Cutting a person out to our lives needs to the exception, not the standard practice.  Marriages, family life, friendships, they are all hard, and require great effort and sacrifice on our behalf.  That being said, it is so worth it if we are willing to do the work.  True, meaningful relationships change us for the better.  They give us a sense of security, a safe place to be, a chance to honestly meet the world head on.  When we have strong relationships,  we are more willing to take chances and risks.  We push harder to be better, to excel, to be the best we can be.

Let's take time to work on our relationships, with real communication, and stop making each other so disposable.