Have we Lost our Compassion?

Yesterday morning, I was watching the morning news, drinking my coffee, when I heard the news story of Darnell Barton.  You have probably heard of this compassionate and courageous man as well.  he is the school bus diver from Buffalo, NY who saved a woman's life.  He was driving a  bus load of students from McKinley High school, when he noticed a woman standing on the wrong side of a guard rail over a busy over pass.  He stopped the bus and calmly, compassionately and bravely, assisted this woman back over the guardrail and stayed with her.

USA Today reported that Darnell prayed while he sat with her.  He was humble in writing his report, and in meeting with the media.  His concern continues to be with the woman he saved.  While I was impressed with his act, and I believe he deserves every minute of press he gets- we are much too quick as a society to glorify glamorize the shameful among us- what really took me aback was the people that passed by her.

Watch the video- there is a pedestrian and a cyclist, who pass by her without even breaking pace!   

Are you kidding me?  

How does a person pass by another human being, clearly distraught and in need of human compassion, without even a second glance?  Have we become so immune to each others suffering and pain, that we are no longer able to see it?  Are we now so busy, that we cannot be bothered to slow down and help another human being in need?

I have to admit that I was convicted by this as well, I found myself praying and wondering if I would have stopped and offered to help.  While I cannot say I would have stopped driving a bus load of teenagers ( I would like to think I would, but I cannot say for certain that I would), I am certain I could not walk past a person who is about to end their life and not even slow down.  I am disturbed that the news has not covered this aspect; that we, as a society are so numb and unaware of each others suffering that it is not even newsworthy when several people overlook someone in need!

This is just one example, we overlook our homeless, our mentally ill, our elderly, and others we consider "on the fringe".  Ephesians 4:32 tells us "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you".  I think we are failing in this area.  We need to step up to take care of each other, to look out for each other as fellow humans.

It's not just strangers that we treat with indifference.  I am not proud of it, but I have to admit that I have treated people I love dearly with indifference when it did not serve my timing.  When my husband needed to talk about work, but I was distracted with my own work issues, I was short with him, and certainly not compassionate and loving.  I have seen dear friends torn apart over a careless word, a thoughtless sentiment, or a lack of compassion when it was needed most.

I understand that we all fall short, we all have times that we are more focused on ourselves than on others- even though it's not correct.  It's not that we need to be perfect, there was only one perfect person who walked this earth; but I feel that as a whole we are becoming more calloused and hard.  We see the needs of others less and less, we seek to care for others less and less- and that is a shame to me.

I will continue to work on being more caring and compassionate, because it makes a difference.  That's my view from my corner of the world.

It's Ok- Even Important to Lose- Sometimes

As a parent, I wanted to see my child succeed in everything he tried.  I wanted my son to feel only happiness and success in his life and wanted to do whatever I could to prevent him from ever feeling pain, disappointment or hurt.  That being said, I also realized that there was value in allowing our children to fail, to try and to experience losing.  It was a difficult lesson that too few parents today refuse to learn.

It is important to encourage our children to try new things, to try to succeed in new things.  Our children cannot possibly grow and develop into all that they are meant to be without trying new things- and most children cannot do this without the support and encouragement of family.  I'm not saying that parents should not encourage children to try new things or to help them out when they struggle; but the truth is, there is a great deal to be learned from failing too.

When our children try and fail, we have the opportunity to teach them lessons that we would not otherwise be able to teach them.  For starters, we can teach them to be truly happy for others success.
When my son was in high school, he joined the swim team to bridge the cross country and track season.  He was successful in almost everything he put effort into, but he was not a strong swimmer, so this was a new experience for him.  He worked harder than most of the other swimmers on the team his freshman year, but still was not a strong swimmer.  He struggled, but by the end of the season, he was able to find happiness for his friends who had found success in the pool- and by the time track started, he was a much stronger leader.  He could better lead, because he truly understood what it felt like to work hard and still not be on the top- he developed a sense of compassion for his teammates that served him well.

We teach them to take pride in the effort they put into the endeavor, rather than just the outcome.  Taking the swim season example, my son learned to be proud of the effort he poured into the sport- not just his success.  He took pride in small steps he made- when he learned to do a flip turn, to dive in, or cut a few seconds off of his time.  He began to take pride in his work and was not brought down by not being the best.

We also have the opportunity to teach our children resilience.  When children are successful in everything they do, or are given success in everything they try (i.e. every participant gets a medal- who does that benefit?),  they do not learn to bounce back.  They never learn to deal with the disappointment of failure, to learn from their mistakes and to make changes and try again.  Think of some of our greatest minds in history- they all experienced failures on many levels!  Einstein, Oprah Winfrey, C.S. Lewis, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates all have failures documented.  One thing that made them great was the ability to be able to get up and try again- this is a skill that can only be learned by experience.

We can't forget that when we allow our children to try and fail, we teach them that they are resourceful and they can accomplish great things.  Our children need to know that they have the ability to get back up, to think through a problem and to solve it on their own.  Yes, it is important that they know they are supported and loved by their parents, but they also need to know that they can stand independently from their parents.  This sense of independence is essential as our children grow into preteens, teens and young adults.

Losing is never fun- and let's be honest, none of us like to lose or fail- but it is necessary for proper growth and development.  It is my belief that too many parents today are guilty of trying to protect their children from any pain or disappointment.  They either don't allow their children to try new things (sure their children will fail,  and not wanting them to experience that), or they become over involved (in order to ensure that their child is not disappointed).  These, while well meaning, are actually very detrimental to their children.  These actions teach children not to be independent, not to rely on their resourcefulness, and not to cope with disappointment in life.  Life is full of disappointments- a missed promotion, a rejection from a special someone, financial mistakes, and other losses.  If we don't teach our children to deal with losses and disappointment early and regularly, we do not equip them to truly succeed in life.

That's my view from my corner of the world.