What is Faith and How Can We Achieve it?

What is faith?  This is a question that many new believers or non believers ask, and it is one that many life long Christians struggle with.  Entire books have been written on this subject alone, enough to fill whole libraries, but in the end they all boil it down to one simple thought.  Spiritual faith is the complete trust and confidence we hold that allows us to believe in God.  That is a loaded statement, I know, but allow me to expand a bit.

When I was a child, I asked a lot of provocative questions of the priests and nuns at my Catholic grade school (much to the dismay of my parents).  I once had a conversation with a priest, whom I very much admired, about faith.  He told me that you just have to believe, without proof, or you do not have faith.  When I questioned how one could believe without proof or explanation, he stated that some struggle with this and that we call those people "doubting Thomas' after the disciple who needed to see Christ before believing he had risen from the dead.

Well, as much as I loved and adored Father Murphy, I think he was wrong on this point and missed a great opportunity.  I spent most of my childhood and adult life feeling like I didn't measure up as a Christian, because I sought Christ in everyday life, I didn't have a blind faith.  Now, after much prayer, research and thought, I have decided that we all seek Christ for evidence that he is here and hears us.  We see the sun rise, and think of him.  We call out to him when we are in distress, and seek to feel comforted.  We look in our children's eyes and see him in all their hopes and dreams.

The reality is that God aces himself present to us every single day, so that if we seek him, we will find him (Matthew 7:7 states; "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened").  Every Christian has a season where they struggle to see Christ, to feel him, and they often go in search of him.  It is not enough to say to these people, "Just believe, if you are a true Christian", this is both hurtful and not very helpful.  It is akin to telling a blind person "just see, if you truly have eyes" it's silly and does nothing to help the situation.  What we need to do is show each other how to have faith.

When I look at my life, I am often taken aback by how blessed I am.  The truth is, that after years of hardships and struggles, I have learned that even the trials and tests in my life are blessings.  This is not because I read a Bible verse that taught me that (James 1:1-13), but rather because I have read that Bible verse and have seen it played out in my life and the lives of my loved ones.  As an example, I had my son as a teenager.  I was not a strong Christian and struggled greatly with my faith as a teenager, therefore I made poor choices that made me a mother at 17.

Being pregnant as a teenager, 25 years ago, was not easy.  People called me names, family was embarrassed and society as a whole assumed that I would amount to nothing more than a typical welfare mother.  However, once I became pregnant, I also became focused on my future and that of my sons.  My now husband (his daddy), also became very focused on his future.  We worked together to go to college, graduate and make something of ourselves.  It was in the consequences of our choice, and the trials of being teen parents that we learned what it meant to look to the future.

When my son was born, I knew that nothing would ever prevent me from succeeding simply because he deserved the best.  Suddenly, I was transformed from a wild teenage girl, who partied and started fights, hung out with the wrong crowd and skipped school, to an A student, whose primary focus was the new family taking shape and protecting the innocent child she gave birth to. It became clear that my choices needed to be better to give my son the best possible life.  It became clear to me that God used my choices and the consequences of that choice, and used it for good.  He changed the course of my life and I knew it.

It's not just big events either-when I am really upset and feel alone, I go to my favorite spot and pray.  My favorite spot is a park along Lake Michigan in Milwaukee.  I used to go there with my parents all the time, and looking at the lake, reminds me of the greatness of God.  See?  We seek him and can find him in everyday details.  Who among us has not had their breath stolen by the perfect sunset?  Who has not seen the hand of God in a severe storm?  Who has not felt his comfort when they were at their lowest and their soul cried out to loud to God, it was unbelievable?

We have complete trust in God and confidence in him when we go through trials, in part because we have experienced his grace and goodness in our lives.  We are like a small child, whose parents can say to them "Don't touch that, it's hot and you will get hurt".  Too often, children will touch the hot item and get burned before they believe the parent, but in the future, when that parent warns that child that an item is hot, the child does not touch it-they have confidence in the warning of the parent.  We are the same-we often need to experience the consequences of poor decisions, or see God at work before we can truly believe and have faith.

My childhood priest would disagree with me, but even scripture uses examples of Gods greatness to make us see him.  In James 1:1-13,  James speaks of believing without doubting, which is important, but he also states in verse 11 "For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plan; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed.  In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business".  He uses an example that everyone can relate to, to explain the lesson.

We can feel Gods love, in part because we know what love feels like once we are loved by another (parents, friends, spouse, etc).  We know his greatness when we see natural wonders that remind us how small and insignificant we are.

Faith is the complete trust in God.  It is the complete confidence in him.  Should we have blind faith, without ever needed to be reassured and given evidence? Absolutely we should.  However, we are human and as such, we are sinful and far from perfect.  We do sometimes need reassurance and reminders.  God knows that because he knows our hearts.  It is because he knows us so intimately and cares for us so deeply that he gives us people and miracles we need to feel him.  Even parents who love their children so deeply, it sometimes hurts, give their children hugs, kisses, trinkets, and words of praise and reassurance.  Why wouldn't God, who loves us perfectly and more than we can ever imagine, why wouldn't he do the same for us?

It is by seeking God daily, by recognizing him every day in our lives, and by being in his word daily that we develop faith.  When we pray to him regularly and see him answer our prayers, no matter what the answer is, we strengthen our faith.  When we struggle, it is important to reach out to others in our lives and listen to them.  In the same fashion, we must reach out to those we see struggling and offer them reassurance and reminders of Gods presence in our lives.  Sometimes it's a verse from the Bible, but just as often it is simply reminiscing with them about a time when they felt Gods presence strongly, or the wonders of nature and creation.

So, I apologize to Father Murphy, but I think he was wrong.  I think our faith is something we experience. It will either strengthen or weaken based on what we do.  It must be nurtured as it is fluid and can change dramatically as we go through different phases of life.

Complete Self Acceptance-Possibly the Hardest Change of All

With the New year upon us, it is very clear that one thing most of us struggle with is self acceptance.  How many times have you heard, or even uttered the following:

• "I wish I was taller (or shorter)"
• "If I could just lose the extra weight, I would love my body"
• "If only I was better at _____________, then my life would be great"
• "I wish I had ______________'s hair (or body, house, job, clothes, money, etc)"
• "I hate myself and the way I look (or feel, talk, move, etc)"

These statements make me sad when I hear them, even though I often utter them myself.  The truth is that God created each one of us to be individuals, and that He created us with everything we need to be perfect in His eyes-but it is up to us to recognize that and make the most of our talents and blessings.

Psalm 139:13 states "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb".  I love that verse and have for years, perhaps because I love knitting so much.  When I knit a project, I plan it out, I spend hours searching for the exact right pattern, I carefully select the colors, the right needles, and even adjust the pattern as needed for the person I intend to give it to.  I put a lot of thought into it before I ever begin one stitch.  As I knit it, I feel a closeness to the person I created it for.  I think of them as I knit, and hope that they will feel all the love I have put into the piece.  In the end, I am proud of the work I did and present it to them.  I know all of the flaws of the piece, both the ones I have corrected and the ones I was not able to correct, but I love it just the same.  A piece of my heart goes with every single project I make for others.  I envision that is how God feels when he creates us.  

He knows every flaw in us, yet he loves us all the more.  He carefully selects our hair color, our tendency to be a certain weight, our compassion level, our intelligence, our level of empathy, our ability to make money or our ability to make others feel loved.  He selects the right combination of talents and trials to make us our best.  Every person alive, has a piece of Gods heart in them.  I imagine that it breaks his heart when we speak, or think, negatively about his creations that he has worked so lovingly on.

I have come to believe that God has infused each of us with our own special blend of trials, blessings and inherent desires.  Some of us want desperately to feel loved and cared for, others want (just as desperately) to be in solitude.  Some find peace in being surrounded by others, it invigorates them and energizes them, others find energy and solace in being alone.  Some love to read, eat or run, others love to think, contemplate or meditate.  Who among us can say that our way is better?  None of us, all we can say is that our way is best for us.  Romans 14:3-5 illustrates this point beautifully "The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.  Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall.  And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.  One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike.  Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind".

We have all heard not to judge others, but we need to not judge ourselves so harshly either.  It is true that it is important to be honest with ourselves and know when we are doing wrong, and take steps to correct it.  However, to judge your self worth because you cannot gain or lose weight as easily as the next person, or because of your eye color, body type or even intelligence is not okay.  It's saying to yourself, to others and to God that he made a mistake and that you could have done a better job.  He is the perfect creator, who created the mountains, the valleys and every living being-perfectly-he did not make a mistake on you or on me!

We must learn to begin to embrace our flaws, to love ourselves as we were created to be.  This is a change that we all need to make, but it may be the hardest change of all.  Why?  We all want to be the best-the best wife, the best mother, the best employee, the best Christian, the most loved, the most adored, the most popular; each of us seeks to be the best at something.  We know we may not be, but we try, and in that, we are naturally prone to see what may be holding us back.  For example, a woman who wants to be loved deeply and seen as being the best wife, may very well get focused on her appearance, her intelligence, even her tone of voice in an effort to capture her beloveds heart.  She can't change the fact that she will naturally be curvy, her tone of voice or her intelligence; she can chose to pursue activities that will enhance her physical being, she can highlight her intelligence, by staying informed and learning new things, but in then end she cannot change the inherent body shape or intelligence, she certainly cannot change her voice!  Neither should she-she was created by God to be the perfectly wonderful person that she is.

When we seek the approval of others, when we try to control our own futures and destinies, we take our eyes off of God.  We forget that he knit us together and all that entails.  He chose our parents for us, for what they had to offer (both what we perceive as good and bad), it is up to us to embrace them and learn from them.  It is essential that we remember that our primary goal needs to be on accepting ourselves and praising God for making us into the perfect creatures we are.  We must learn to seek his approval over our own, or others.  

When I am able to stay focused on this fact, I find that I am much more accepting of myself, flaws and all.  I see that I am strong because of the troubles I have faced, I am compassionate because of the times I have been mistreated, and I love deeply because I was loved deeply and felt what it meant to change someones life.  I love my body-though it is far from perfect.  The truth is, I am strong, curvy and full of passion.  I lift weights, I run, I climb stairs, I hike.  My body, though it is not perfect, is perfect for me.  It allows me to do things that others cannot do.  When I am good to it, I feel great; and when I stop working out, or am not eating healthy, it responds quickly and loudly to me.  My arthritis will flare up, I get awful headaches, joint pain, stiffness and become lethargic.  I used to hate that, but now I embrace it.  I realize that my body has taught me to persevere, to let go of societal ideas of beauty.  I am beautiful, not because of my size or shape, but because I am loved by God and I was created by him to be exactly who I am.

I still struggle with letting go of seeking others approval; lets be honest, that's a tough one-we all love to hear that others care about us, love us, etc.  That being said, I have learned to accept me as I am, even when others do not.  I am learning every day to seek Gods approval, to judge myself fairly and honestly and perhaps most importantly to love myself for being the best version of me I can be.  I try to remind myself daily that love the was put into creating me and loving God more for the effort.

 I am learning to love myself for the person God created
me to be.

I think if we all understood this concept, it would be easier to be nice to people.  We would love ourselves more, we would be more willing to reach out and praise others-lift them up.  Too many of us, tear others down in an effort to make ourselves feel better.  This must break Gods heart.  We need to spend time telling those we love why we love them, what makes them special, why they are perfectly created.  We must embrace our children and tell them how blessed we are to have them, how incredible they are just as they are!  We need to tell our friends why we love them, what we admire about them, without depreciating ourselves in the process.  We should be dealing with everyone, even strangers, with love and acceptance.  We need to realize that each of us have our own insecurities, our own weaknesses and struggles and our own strengths.  God created us to be relational, to help each other, not to tear each other down.  He has called us to love one another-as John 13:34-35 says "A new command I give you; love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have loved one another.

Ask, Seek, Knock

Have you ever wondered what it means to pray without fear?  This is something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about.  I believe that all to often, we think that prayer needs to be a formal affair, full of rules, processes and procedures.  More often than I care to admit, I think “true Prayer” has to be done when I am alone, with my head bowed, me humbly before God on my knees.  It can only be a “true” prayer if I have spent time in Gods word first; have read it, contemplated it, and quieted my heart, then tried to understand it.  “True” prayer has to be full of gratitude and rewording of scripture, it has to be deeply felt and spiritual in nature.  Anything short of this is not really prayer, it’s not truly honoring God, right?  

That’s how I used to feel, when I was first beginning to ponder what true prayer was- how to converse with God.  There are so many different viewpoints out there.  Certainly, there is a place for the above.  We do honor God when we get on our knees (literally and figuratively), when we study and ponder His word, when we quiet our hearts.  It is good for us to give praise to our God and to fill our hearts with gratitude for the blessings He has given us.  These are all good things, but prayer is more than that.  

Prayer, simply put, is a conversation with God.  Sometimes, it means deep contemplative time with Him; other times, we only have time for quick little requests or  brief moments to give thanks and praise (I call these “arrow prayers” and we will cover these later in the study).  Prayer is speaking to God, then quieting our hearts enough to hear His answers.  Praise is great, so is giving thanks, but what about asking for things?  Is it ok to make requests of God, or do we show a lack of faith in Him and His plans for us when we dare to ask for specific things?

When my son was in middle school, he was on fire for Jesus.  I mean this kids heart and soul burned for Jesus- he studied the Bible, pondered it, knew verses, placed them on his heart.  His love for Jesus was evident to everyone who met him.  I know a lot of parents say that their children are special- and all are- but he was special in a different way.  He was confident, outspoken and not afraid to speak out on his faith- it set him apart from his peers, although he was also humble, so he had many friends.

We had several pastors tell us that they believed he would make an excellent pastor one day.  Dale was focused on God’s word; as I said, he studied it, pondered on it, and often times found ways of looking at scripture that I, and many others around us, did not see.  He had a way of getting those around him excited and would say little “DJ-ism’s” that would stay with the listener for a long time (DJ was is nickname among friends and family).  

Matthew 7:7 is one of those verses.  When he was in the 7th grade, his confirmation class was studying the book of Matthew.  One night, DJ came out of his room, with his Bible in hand, “Mom”, he said, “ I just noticed that God really wants us to ask for what we want”.  

To be honest, these epiphanies were not all that rare, and generally managed to surface while I was preparing dinner, doing the laundry or some other mundane task, so it didn’t catch me too off guard this time.  Cooking dinner, I turned to him and said something like, “of course he does, what made you think about this tonight?”.  He looked at me, with his Bible still in his hands, opened to this verse, and said, “Look at how Jesus says this verse; ‘Ask and it will be given to you, Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened to you”.  

“Yep” I said, still not fully getting where his thoughts were going on this, but certain that dinner needed to be tended to, “it says right there to ask for what you want”

“It does,” he said with that tone, that told me he was both amused and annoyed that I could not see what was so clear to him- this tone typically got my attention, it meant he was on to something that was different, something that he felt was a game changer.  So, I put dinner to the side and sat down with DJ and his opened Bible as he went on to say “the way Jesus says it, the order of Ask, Seek and Knock, it’s important.  Can’t you see it?”

“Not really,” I answered truthfully, and somewhat embarrassed that a 13 year old was getting the best of me academically.

“look at the first letter of each of those words” he said as he underlined them.  “A-S-K!  Gods telling us twice in the same verse to ask Him!  It means He really wants us to ASK Him for everything!”

Needless to say, I felt foolish for never noticing this before, but also so very proud that DJ at 13, got a lesson that many Christians live their entire lives not fully understanding.  God loves us so completely that He wants us to come to Him, to ask him anything and everything.  He wants for each of us to seek Him out, to ask Him for what we desire, what we want, what we don’t understand.

It’s not just material items that we are to ask about.  Our God wants us to search out the answers to our darkest fears, to our deepest questions, to our most hidden inquiries.  He wants us to seek the truth in Him, and to rely on Him for what we need.  1John5:14 states, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us”.  What an incredible promise- our God hears our requests, every single one of them- no matter how small or big!  He is a loving God, who is beyond faithful and who desires only what is best for us, but before he can answer us, we have to ASK.

When we ask God for guidance, seek His wisdom, or seek His truth, we don’t show a lack of trust.  In fact, it’s just the opposite- we show Him that we trust Him and His answers more than anything on Earth.  We honor God when we reach out for Him.  We show Him our vulnerabilities, our desires, our insecurities- how can that be anything but good?

As parents, we don’t feel that our children are disrespectful or rude when they ask for guidance.  We don’t feel that our child doesn’t trust us when they ask “why”.  we understand that they are seeking an answer and they trust us to be honest and give them the knowledge they need.  If we, as sinful humans, can see that, how much more clearly will God be able to see that when we talk to Him?  If our child asks for a material possession or a special privilege, we do not think that they are being ungrateful for what we have given them, we see that they are expressing a need, a want or a desire.  We can choose to approve of the request or deny it, but the child knows that his/her parent makes decisions based on love (even if, in the moment it may not seem like it, and that child may feel disappointment or anger).

Luke makes this point while sharing with the reader Jesus’s teachings on how to pray. Just after he reiterates the teaching of Ask, Seek, Knock, Luke 11:11-13, sates: “For which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” 

As a mother, that moment of my son educating me has stayed in the forefront of my heart- and it always will.  It taught me how insightful young people can be, how incredibly gifted my son was at seeing things others didn’t notice (a gift that would serve him well in adulthood), and that we all have more to learn about our  faith.  I was so proud of DJ, that for the next several weeks, I told anyone who would listen about his epiphany- pastors, friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers.  Many people heard Gods word those weeks, due to a mothers pride.

I have come back to this memory often in my walk with Christ.  In my darkest hours, when I could not make sense of a series of tragedies that had taken their toll on our family, I recalled this memory and called to God.  I asked Him, why we were being asked to go through such a difficult time, how long did He expect us to endure, would we be OK?  I asked Him for comfort for me, my husband, my son and the rest of our extended family.  I asked Him for answers, but I also asked God to provide a way for us all to grow closer through it.  

When my son was going through difficult times, I again turned to asking God.  This time, I asked God what he needed us, as parents to know, what were we to do to help our son, what was it that DJ needed to know?  Why was he being asked to walk through such a difficult trial when he was over 2000 miles from home, with very little support close by?

True to form, God was there answering me- but I needed to quiet my heart and listen to Him.  Much like a child who is in the midst of a temper tantrum cannot hear a parent explain why they cannot have a particular toy, we cannot hear Gods answers if we are unable to quiet our hearts and listen.

Each time, I came to God and asked Him for things, answers, or direction.  Each time, I came to Christ broken, lost and feeling alone, or scared and feeling as if I were not strong enough.  Coming to God and asking what I needed to ask has always brought me peace, comfort, and a sense that even when I don’t understand, it’s all part of a plan.  

Often times, we as Christians feel that if we are not filling our prayers with gratitude and fluffy feelings, then we are not being faithful.  We pray with “rose colored glasses on”.  Our life can feel like it’s falling apart, but we continue to say prayers of thanks.  Prayers of thanks and gratitude are important, especially during our times of struggle.  It’s absolutely important that we remain focused on Gods blessings, but who are we kidding? 

Can any of us say, in truth and honesty, that we are closest to those we have never shared any real feelings with?  Think about this for a minute. When we express insecurities, vulnerabilities, even frustration and anger with other people, it increases our feelings of closeness with them.  We cannot feel connected to those we don’t share true and honest emotions with.  We have to share the good, appreciate them, and tell them that we love them, but we also need to honesty share our shortcomings, our fears, our secrets with them.  Our relationship with God is the same.  If all we do is pray with our rose colored glasses on, then we are not being truthful with God.  He knows our hearts better than we do, He knows when we are not being completely honest with Him.  This keeps our relationship with God superficial, and this dishonors Him.  It tells God, “I don’t trust You to know my not so good side.  I don’t trust that your love is enough to heal me” .  It says that you think God is not faithful, that if He really knew what you wanted to pray, he would leave and walk away from you.

God knows our hearts- all of it.  He knows the darkest fears we can’t even acknowledge to ourselves, He knows when we are in angst and need Him.  He desires the intimacy that comes from being vulnerable enough to cry out our deepest insecurities.  He wants to reassure us, to comfort us, but we need to reach out to Him, to take His hand.  

God understands that we are human, we do not have the omniscient sight that He has.  He understands that we don’t understand everything, and He delights in us seeking the truth from Him.  He wants us to be completely honest in our prayers and conversations with Him.  He doesn’t need us to put on the rose colored glasses- that makes us feel better, but does nothing to enhance our relationship with Christ.

God has a plan for each of us.  He doesn’t always give us what we want, but He gives us what we need.  We need to trust this, we need to feel His love and compassion, and we need to feel free to ask any questions that plague us.  He is not easily offended, when our intentions are to know and do His will.  God seeks us out, He provides us with answers to every question we ask- He either gives us the answer now or he asks us to wait, but He hears every question, every request and every prayer.