- "I wish I was taller (or shorter)"
- "If I could just lose the extra weight, I would love my body"
- "If only I was better at _____________, then my life would be great"
- "I wish I had ______________'s hair (or body, house, job, clothes, money, etc)"
- "I hate myself and the way I look (or feel, talk, move, etc)"
These statements make me sad when I hear them, even though I often utter them myself. The truth is that God created each one of us to be individuals, and that He created us with everything we need to be perfect in His eyes-but it is up to us to recognize that and make the most of our talents and blessings.
Psalm 139:13 states "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb". I love that verse and have for years, perhaps because I love knitting so much. When I knit a project, I plan it out, I spend hours searching for the exact right pattern, I carefully select the colors, the right needles, and even adjust the pattern as needed for the person I intend to give it to. I put a lot of thought into it before I ever begin one stitch. As I knit it, I feel a closeness to the person I created it for. I think of them as I knit, and hope that they will feel all the love I have put into the piece. In the end, I am proud of the work I did and present it to them. I know all of the flaws of the piece, both the ones I have corrected and the ones I was not able to correct, but I love it just the same. A piece of my heart goes with every single project I make for others. I envision that is how God feels when he creates us.
He knows every flaw in us, yet he loves us all the more. He carefully selects our hair color, our tendency to be a certain weight, our compassion level, our intelligence, our level of empathy, our ability to make money or our ability to make others feel loved. He selects the right combination of talents and trials to make us our best. Every person alive, has a piece of Gods heart in them. I imagine that it breaks his heart when we speak, or think, negatively about his creations that he has worked so lovingly on.
I have come to believe that God has infused each of us with our own special blend of trials, blessings and inherent desires. Some of us want desperately to feel loved and cared for, others want (just as desperately) to be in solitude. Some find peace in being surrounded by others, it invigorates them and energizes them, others find energy and solace in being alone. Some love to read, eat or run, others love to think, contemplate or meditate. Who among us can say that our way is better? None of us, all we can say is that our way is best for us. Romans 14:3-5 illustrates this point beautifully "The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand. One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind".
We have all heard not to judge others, but we need to not judge ourselves so harshly either. It is true that it is important to be honest with ourselves and know when we are doing wrong, and take steps to correct it. However, to judge your self worth because you cannot gain or lose weight as easily as the next person, or because of your eye color, body type or even intelligence is not okay. It's saying to yourself, to others and to God that he made a mistake and that you could have done a better job. He is the perfect creator, who created the mountains, the valleys and every living being-perfectly-he did not make a mistake on you or on me!
We must learn to begin to embrace our flaws, to love ourselves as we were created to be. This is a change that we all need to make, but it may be the hardest change of all. Why? We all want to be the best-the best wife, the best mother, the best employee, the best Christian, the most loved, the most adored, the most popular; each of us seeks to be the best at something. We know we may not be, but we try, and in that, we are naturally prone to see what may be holding us back. For example, a woman who wants to be loved deeply and seen as being the best wife, may very well get focused on her appearance, her intelligence, even her tone of voice in an effort to capture her beloveds heart. She can't change the fact that she will naturally be curvy, her tone of voice or her intelligence; she can chose to pursue activities that will enhance her physical being, she can highlight her intelligence, by staying informed and learning new things, but in then end she cannot change the inherent body shape or intelligence, she certainly cannot change her voice! Neither should she-she was created by God to be the perfectly wonderful person that she is.
When we seek the approval of others, when we try to control our own futures and destinies, we take our eyes off of God. We forget that he knit us together and all that entails. He chose our parents for us, for what they had to offer (both what we perceive as good and bad), it is up to us to embrace them and learn from them. It is essential that we remember that our primary goal needs to be on accepting ourselves and praising God for making us into the perfect creatures we are. We must learn to seek his approval over our own, or others.
When I am able to stay focused on this fact, I find that I am much more accepting of myself, flaws and all. I see that I am strong because of the troubles I have faced, I am compassionate because of the times I have been mistreated, and I love deeply because I was loved deeply and felt what it meant to change someones life. I love my body-though it is far from perfect. The truth is, I am strong, curvy and full of passion. I lift weights, I run, I climb stairs, I hike. My body, though it is not perfect, is perfect for me. It allows me to do things that others cannot do. When I am good to it, I feel great; and when I stop working out, or am not eating healthy, it responds quickly and loudly to me. My arthritis will flare up, I get awful headaches, joint pain, stiffness and become lethargic. I used to hate that, but now I embrace it. I realize that my body has taught me to persevere, to let go of societal ideas of beauty. I am beautiful, not because of my size or shape, but because I am loved by God and I was created by him to be exactly who I am.
I still struggle with letting go of seeking others approval; lets be honest, that's a tough one-we all love to hear that others care about us, love us, etc. That being said, I have learned to accept me as I am, even when others do not. I am learning every day to seek Gods approval, to judge myself fairly and honestly and perhaps most importantly to love myself for being the best version of me I can be. I try to remind myself daily that love the was put into creating me and loving God more for the effort.
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| I am learning to love myself for the person God created me to be. |
I think if we all understood this concept, it would be easier to be nice to people. We would love ourselves more, we would be more willing to reach out and praise others-lift them up. Too many of us, tear others down in an effort to make ourselves feel better. This must break Gods heart. We need to spend time telling those we love why we love them, what makes them special, why they are perfectly created. We must embrace our children and tell them how blessed we are to have them, how incredible they are just as they are! We need to tell our friends why we love them, what we admire about them, without depreciating ourselves in the process. We should be dealing with everyone, even strangers, with love and acceptance. We need to realize that each of us have our own insecurities, our own weaknesses and struggles and our own strengths. God created us to be relational, to help each other, not to tear each other down. He has called us to love one another-as John 13:34-35 says "A new command I give you; love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have loved one another.
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