Have you ever wondered what it means to pray without fear? This is something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about. I believe that all to often, we think that prayer needs to be a formal affair, full of rules, processes and procedures. More often than I care to admit, I think “true Prayer” has to be done when I am alone, with my head bowed, me humbly before God on my knees. It can only be a “true” prayer if I have spent time in Gods word first; have read it, contemplated it, and quieted my heart, then tried to understand it. “True” prayer has to be full of gratitude and rewording of scripture, it has to be deeply felt and spiritual in nature. Anything short of this is not really prayer, it’s not truly honoring God, right?
That’s how I used to feel, when I was first beginning to ponder what true prayer was- how to converse with God. There are so many different viewpoints out there. Certainly, there is a place for the above. We do honor God when we get on our knees (literally and figuratively), when we study and ponder His word, when we quiet our hearts. It is good for us to give praise to our God and to fill our hearts with gratitude for the blessings He has given us. These are all good things, but prayer is more than that.
Prayer, simply put, is a conversation with God. Sometimes, it means deep contemplative time with Him; other times, we only have time for quick little requests or brief moments to give thanks and praise (I call these “arrow prayers” and we will cover these later in the study). Prayer is speaking to God, then quieting our hearts enough to hear His answers. Praise is great, so is giving thanks, but what about asking for things? Is it ok to make requests of God, or do we show a lack of faith in Him and His plans for us when we dare to ask for specific things?
When my son was in middle school, he was on fire for Jesus. I mean this kids heart and soul burned for Jesus- he studied the Bible, pondered it, knew verses, placed them on his heart. His love for Jesus was evident to everyone who met him. I know a lot of parents say that their children are special- and all are- but he was special in a different way. He was confident, outspoken and not afraid to speak out on his faith- it set him apart from his peers, although he was also humble, so he had many friends.
We had several pastors tell us that they believed he would make an excellent pastor one day. Dale was focused on God’s word; as I said, he studied it, pondered on it, and often times found ways of looking at scripture that I, and many others around us, did not see. He had a way of getting those around him excited and would say little “DJ-ism’s” that would stay with the listener for a long time (DJ was is nickname among friends and family).
Matthew 7:7 is one of those verses. When he was in the 7th grade, his confirmation class was studying the book of Matthew. One night, DJ came out of his room, with his Bible in hand, “Mom”, he said, “ I just noticed that God really wants us to ask for what we want”.
To be honest, these epiphanies were not all that rare, and generally managed to surface while I was preparing dinner, doing the laundry or some other mundane task, so it didn’t catch me too off guard this time. Cooking dinner, I turned to him and said something like, “of course he does, what made you think about this tonight?”. He looked at me, with his Bible still in his hands, opened to this verse, and said, “Look at how Jesus says this verse; ‘Ask and it will be given to you, Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened to you”.
“Yep” I said, still not fully getting where his thoughts were going on this, but certain that dinner needed to be tended to, “it says right there to ask for what you want”
“It does,” he said with that tone, that told me he was both amused and annoyed that I could not see what was so clear to him- this tone typically got my attention, it meant he was on to something that was different, something that he felt was a game changer. So, I put dinner to the side and sat down with DJ and his opened Bible as he went on to say “the way Jesus says it, the order of Ask, Seek and Knock, it’s important. Can’t you see it?”
“Not really,” I answered truthfully, and somewhat embarrassed that a 13 year old was getting the best of me academically.
“look at the first letter of each of those words” he said as he underlined them. “A-S-K! Gods telling us twice in the same verse to ask Him! It means He really wants us to ASK Him for everything!”
Needless to say, I felt foolish for never noticing this before, but also so very proud that DJ at 13, got a lesson that many Christians live their entire lives not fully understanding. God loves us so completely that He wants us to come to Him, to ask him anything and everything. He wants for each of us to seek Him out, to ask Him for what we desire, what we want, what we don’t understand.
It’s not just material items that we are to ask about. Our God wants us to search out the answers to our darkest fears, to our deepest questions, to our most hidden inquiries. He wants us to seek the truth in Him, and to rely on Him for what we need. 1John5:14 states, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us”. What an incredible promise- our God hears our requests, every single one of them- no matter how small or big! He is a loving God, who is beyond faithful and who desires only what is best for us, but before he can answer us, we have to ASK.
When we ask God for guidance, seek His wisdom, or seek His truth, we don’t show a lack of trust. In fact, it’s just the opposite- we show Him that we trust Him and His answers more than anything on Earth. We honor God when we reach out for Him. We show Him our vulnerabilities, our desires, our insecurities- how can that be anything but good?
As parents, we don’t feel that our children are disrespectful or rude when they ask for guidance. We don’t feel that our child doesn’t trust us when they ask “why”. we understand that they are seeking an answer and they trust us to be honest and give them the knowledge they need. If we, as sinful humans, can see that, how much more clearly will God be able to see that when we talk to Him? If our child asks for a material possession or a special privilege, we do not think that they are being ungrateful for what we have given them, we see that they are expressing a need, a want or a desire. We can choose to approve of the request or deny it, but the child knows that his/her parent makes decisions based on love (even if, in the moment it may not seem like it, and that child may feel disappointment or anger).
Luke makes this point while sharing with the reader Jesus’s teachings on how to pray. Just after he reiterates the teaching of Ask, Seek, Knock, Luke 11:11-13, sates: “For which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”
As a mother, that moment of my son educating me has stayed in the forefront of my heart- and it always will. It taught me how insightful young people can be, how incredibly gifted my son was at seeing things others didn’t notice (a gift that would serve him well in adulthood), and that we all have more to learn about our faith. I was so proud of DJ, that for the next several weeks, I told anyone who would listen about his epiphany- pastors, friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers. Many people heard Gods word those weeks, due to a mothers pride.
I have come back to this memory often in my walk with Christ. In my darkest hours, when I could not make sense of a series of tragedies that had taken their toll on our family, I recalled this memory and called to God. I asked Him, why we were being asked to go through such a difficult time, how long did He expect us to endure, would we be OK? I asked Him for comfort for me, my husband, my son and the rest of our extended family. I asked Him for answers, but I also asked God to provide a way for us all to grow closer through it.
When my son was going through difficult times, I again turned to asking God. This time, I asked God what he needed us, as parents to know, what were we to do to help our son, what was it that DJ needed to know? Why was he being asked to walk through such a difficult trial when he was over 2000 miles from home, with very little support close by?
True to form, God was there answering me- but I needed to quiet my heart and listen to Him. Much like a child who is in the midst of a temper tantrum cannot hear a parent explain why they cannot have a particular toy, we cannot hear Gods answers if we are unable to quiet our hearts and listen.
Each time, I came to God and asked Him for things, answers, or direction. Each time, I came to Christ broken, lost and feeling alone, or scared and feeling as if I were not strong enough. Coming to God and asking what I needed to ask has always brought me peace, comfort, and a sense that even when I don’t understand, it’s all part of a plan.
Often times, we as Christians feel that if we are not filling our prayers with gratitude and fluffy feelings, then we are not being faithful. We pray with “rose colored glasses on”. Our life can feel like it’s falling apart, but we continue to say prayers of thanks. Prayers of thanks and gratitude are important, especially during our times of struggle. It’s absolutely important that we remain focused on Gods blessings, but who are we kidding?
Can any of us say, in truth and honesty, that we are closest to those we have never shared any real feelings with? Think about this for a minute. When we express insecurities, vulnerabilities, even frustration and anger with other people, it increases our feelings of closeness with them. We cannot feel connected to those we don’t share true and honest emotions with. We have to share the good, appreciate them, and tell them that we love them, but we also need to honesty share our shortcomings, our fears, our secrets with them. Our relationship with God is the same. If all we do is pray with our rose colored glasses on, then we are not being truthful with God. He knows our hearts better than we do, He knows when we are not being completely honest with Him. This keeps our relationship with God superficial, and this dishonors Him. It tells God, “I don’t trust You to know my not so good side. I don’t trust that your love is enough to heal me” . It says that you think God is not faithful, that if He really knew what you wanted to pray, he would leave and walk away from you.
God knows our hearts- all of it. He knows the darkest fears we can’t even acknowledge to ourselves, He knows when we are in angst and need Him. He desires the intimacy that comes from being vulnerable enough to cry out our deepest insecurities. He wants to reassure us, to comfort us, but we need to reach out to Him, to take His hand.
God understands that we are human, we do not have the omniscient sight that He has. He understands that we don’t understand everything, and He delights in us seeking the truth from Him. He wants us to be completely honest in our prayers and conversations with Him. He doesn’t need us to put on the rose colored glasses- that makes us feel better, but does nothing to enhance our relationship with Christ.
God has a plan for each of us. He doesn’t always give us what we want, but He gives us what we need. We need to trust this, we need to feel His love and compassion, and we need to feel free to ask any questions that plague us. He is not easily offended, when our intentions are to know and do His will. God seeks us out, He provides us with answers to every question we ask- He either gives us the answer now or he asks us to wait, but He hears every question, every request and every prayer.
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