I would like to build on to the previous post today. In my last post, I wrote about personal responsibility and how not enough of society is taking accountability for their own choices. Today, I want to expand that. I assert that we are not doing enough to care for each other-our social responsibility has waned, and we need to correct this soon!
In Biblical times, people were cared for from birth to the end of their lives. Children were cared for by a community, and as parents grew older, the children took care of them. Look at 1Timothy 5:8 which says "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever". In history, a mans household was not thought of literally as those who resided in his actual home, but rather it was his family. Parents, children, spouse, brothers/sisters, their spouses and children, even aunts, uncles, grandparents and even cousins. It was understood that each of us is expected to provide for and take care of every individual in our households.
Too many families today have lost this feeling of responsibility to one another. How many times has a parent of a child said to another family member "Don't tell me how to raise my child!" when questioned on a decision the parent has made or a behavior the child has exhibited? This is not correct. We were never made to raise our children alone, in a vacuum. Remember the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child?" That phrase is so popular because it's true. Children who are raised in homes where they are taught to respect all their elders, as opposed to just mom and dad, tend to do better in life, they are equipped with necessary skills to succeed.
In addition, other parents often see things that we are blinded to with our children. They can see the little things that will hinder them in life, that we parents see as adorable and cute. Every person brings with them different perspectives, which can be enlightening when coping with an issue or behavior. Our children do best when we allow others to help us. It also reduces the stress of the parents. There is great comfort in knowing that we are not alone in any situation, and parenthood is the toughest situation most of us will ever find ourselves in (albeit very rewarding!).
It's not just us allowing others to help us, we need to be helping and caring for others too. I cannot tell you how many times I have talked with a co-worker who complains about their niece or nephews behaviors. When asked if they are willing to talk to the parents about it, they say "Why? it's not my kid". Confronting or discussing tough issues can be complicated and sensitive, but it's not good to avoid them. We all need a mirror held up for us once in a while, and sometimes we don't like what is said, but that does not make it any less true.
What about our aging family members? In Biblical times, if a woman was widowed, it was expected and understood that her son would take care of her. Do we do this now? How many children are willing to care for their parents in todays society? Some, but many more, turn a blind eye, and let their parents suffer in old age. Our society embraces youth and independence, so it is no surprise that when our parents age and begin to feel the effects of aging (increased forgetfulness, decreased mobility and endurance, vision and hearing disturbances, health issues, financial stresses), they are reluctant to ask for help.
Many elderly feel that if the ask for help, they will be "put in a home somewhere and forgotten". Don't get me wrong, I have working in nursing homes and know that they provide excellent care, and are staffed with some of the most dedicated, loving and hard working people you will ever meet. This, however, does not change the fear our aging population has of them. Many remember the old, institutional nursing homes where patients were not well cared for, were overmedicated and forgotten about. Having this fear, they often will not reach for help, instead they try to get by on their own.
Getting by on their own may mean having to skip meals, not maintain their residences, and not getting out and socializing as often. Since we are created as relational beings, this extreme loneliness has both psychological and physical effects including depression, anxiety, increased aches and pains, breathing difficulties, sleep disturbances and increased feelings of hopelessness. We all have a responsibility to look out for our aging parents, neighbors etc, while helping them maintain a sense of independence.
The fourth commandment is to "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12). If we are honest, most of us have to admit that we do not honor our parents as we should. Do we spend time with them, recognize their wisdom and experience? Are we sensitive to their needs, do we provide for them and ensure that they are happy and secure in their environment? Too many of us, if we searched our hearts, would have to admit that we do not.
We call, or visit, but in our time with our parents we are focused on our busy lives, what we have to get done that day and what will be coming the next few days. We worry about our children and our homes, but we don't really listen and engage when our parents talk about whats going on in their lives. This is a shame, because the aging have so much to offer us, and we are missing it because we feel too busy.
The Biblical principle of caring for others, is not limited to our families. Philipians 2:4 states "do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others" (NASB). We are called to care for all the needy, in every way we can. This does not mean only around the holidays when we see the little red buckets with scores of volunteers ringing bells, but all year. We are to care for all in need, when we see need.
We do not know each others story. It is easy to look at a homeless man begging for food and drive by thinking that he is lazy or a drunk; but consider this story. When my son was little, if we say a homeless or hung person, we bought them something to eat (maybe a sandwich or small snack, but something), we would give it to them and continue on our day. When in college, he continued this practice.
One cold day, in Madison, WI, he gave a homeless man a burger and fires from a local restaurant. the homeless man was well known around the campus by a not so flattering name, and my son felt bad for him. When he gave the man the food, the gentleman asked him to sit and talk for a bit, which he did. What he learned from that man, changed his perceptions forever. That gentleman was a successful businessman in his life who fell on a series of hardships, which I will not share here to respect his privacy. His life was destroyed and he lost his home. He spoke of how many people talked about him as if he could not hear, or looked at him as if he were not there. Imagine feeling like a burden to society just because you fell on hard times!
Most of us are fortunate-we have a warm place to sleep, people who love us, food in our bellies. We have what we need, but there are those in society who lack the basics that the rest of us take for granted. It saddens me that in this time and country of great wealth, there is extreme poverty, homelessness and so many people who live alone and afraid. When did we go from a community who looks after one another to a community of individuals whose primary focus is on themselves?
We need to come back to Christ and to the church and it's teachings. We need to remember to take care of each other, love each other, and look out for each other; for those we know and those we don't, for those we see and those we look past. Every person, no matter their circumstance, are children of Gods. He loves them all, and calls us to do the same.
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