Mixed Bag of Emotions

My son, who is grown and lives across the country, is coming home for Christmas.  My husband and I could not be more proud of him.  He is successful and intelligent and everything parents hope their child will grow into as an adult.

It's been far too long since we have seen him, and to be honest, I am as excited as a child on Christmas morning.  I found it difficult to sleep last night, and am counting down the hours until I get to see him getting off the plane this afternoon.  Make no mistake, I am so grateful that he will be home for Christmas.

That being said, if I am honest, I have to admit that there is some trepidation as well.  Maybe trepidation is not the correct word, there is no fear of what is to come; but this Christmas will be different.  When we have children, we get to see the wonder in their eyes as they experience the holiday every year.  We grow accustomed to getting up early, unwrapping our gifts and listening to the joyful glee of a child thrilled to get a gift.

As our children grow, it is impossible for them to understand how much the holidays change for their parents.  Instead of a gleeful child, we are now sharing the day with an adult, who is finding their ways in the world.  It's a great blessing indeed, but there is also some sadness that comes from the holidays of the past being gone.

When my son was small, we were surrounded by grandparents, parents and extended family.  Christmas was a time of great joy with family members who hadn't been seen all year.  Sadly, many of those have passed on.  This Christmas will be smaller, more intimate.

I am so excited to watch my son grow into the man he is becoming, but I miss the days of his youthful exuberance and grandparents joining us around the table to share their memories of Christmas' past.  Now, it is our turn to share our memories-thats ok.

I think when we are young, we cannot understand the nostalgia of past seasons.  As we grow, and begin to celebrate the holidays without loved ones and see the changes in our children there is a certain sadness that mixes with the joy of the season.  It is a strange feeling indeed, but it is necessary for the generations to continue.

This year, my husband and I will entertain family and friends, we will share stories from over the years, we will laugh and we will be filled with joy; but deep in our hearts, there will also be a slight sadness that comes from missing those days.