How Honest is too Honest?

We are told as children the old adage "Honesty is the best policy", but is it?  I think back over some very hurtful words, comments and talks all done in the name of "just being honest".  I have come to develop a very strong opinion in this area.

Yes, it is essential that we are honest with one another.  Colossians 3:9 states " Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices".  See?  Being honest is important and commanded by God.  We, as Christians, must speak in a honest manner with each other and with others.  Truth lives in honesty, when you speak dishonestly, there is no truth.  That being said, the topic of honesty has a multitude of sub topics, and we must address them all, if we are to speak in true Christian honesty.

I will do my best to cover some of the more basic areas in which we use  honesty to justify our behavior:

Discussing Feelings with others:

One area most of us struggle to use complete honesty is when we are discussing our feelings with others.  We are creatures who demand acceptance by others to feel validated and loved.  When we reveal vulnerable areas in our lives, whether that being fears of failing, or not feeling loved, we expose ourselves to the possibility that others will reject us.  Not only that, but we give them the reason they could potentially use to mock or reject us.

In an effort to protect ourselves from the pain of rejection, we often share with others only what we perceive will be accepted as positive and in our favor.  We only need to look at our Facebook, Twitter or other social media accounts to see this.  Most people on social network sites, publish good things in their lives, and suffer quietly with those things they believe to be less desirable to others.

If we are to experience true acceptance and love from others, we must be honest and reveal all of ourselves to those we seek to bond with.  When we are the most vulnerable, we are the most open and ready to accept the love and acceptance of those whom God placed in our lives.  Ephesians 4:25 states, "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."  

If we are truly members of one another, then it is essential that we share our inner most secrets and vulnerabilities with each other.  It is also essential that we respect and protect those that are shared with us.  In every circumstance, when someone shares their inner most being with us, we must remember what a gift that is-no mocking, no gossiping and no harsh judgments.  I admit, that I am good about not mocking, judging or gossiping, but I struggle to be honest with others.  I want to be accepted and loved, and often worry that if others knew the real me, they wouldn't accept me.  I want them to share with me, but I am slow to trust others enough to share myself with them.  Luke addresses this, when he writes, "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."

That is something for me to remember.  If I find it a gift when others share with me, they may find it a gift if I do the same.  God created us to be relational beings, and that means being in relationship with one another- we cannot have true relationships if we are not honest about who we are and why we feel the way we do.

Giving our Opinion-asked or not:

Far too often in my life, I have either been on the receiving end, or have heard others give harsh criticism to others in the name of "just being honest".  For example, if someone asks if their new haircut looks nice-it is not Chrisitan to state that it is, in fact, a terrible haircut for them.  To be honest and Christian we must remember to think if we what we are saying is helpful, kind, true and if there is anything the other person can do about it.

Here comes an example of my opening up and being truthful-get ready and brace yourselves!  When I was a child, I grew up in a home that did not have a lot of money.  We were very poor, and could not afford much.  When I started dating my husband, my in-laws made comments about how I was only dating my husband for his money.  In their mind, they were just being honest-to me, it was mean and hurtful.  I felt judged and as if they could not be bothered to get to know the real me.  they saw my circumstance, judged me and used "honesty" to make me feel terrible.  

God doesn't want anyone to feel badly about the situation they are in.  If we are making a decision that is not Chrisitian, our loved ones should talk to us honestly.  My dearest friend in the whole world, is very open with me when I am out of line or living in a manner not in line with my beliefs.  the difference between her and the in-laws?  She approaches me from a place of love, talks about facts, and only about things I have some control over.  Because of her ability and courage to do this, we are extremely close, and always will be.  I respect her more than I can ever tell her.

Bearing Witness of our Neighbors:

When we speak of others, it is important to remember that we must be totally truthful in what we say.  Positive or negative, we must not exaggerate, stretch the truth or fabricate facts.  Sounds easy enough right?  But how many of us, have filled in minor details to get the larger point across? 

this is not kind, or truthful.

In all things we must be honest, but being honest requires us to be kind and loving as well.  God calls us to love one another.  We cannot work together to fix problems, come up with solutions and raise each other up without complete honesty and love.